Storytelling Monday: Awkward Moments

awk·ward /ˈôkwərd/Adjective: Not smooth or graceful; ungainly; Causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience

I have totally blonde moments.  And when i say blonde, I don’t mean the fake platinum blonde, I mean the strawberry blonde “like OH EM GEEEE” moments. And I guess part of it is this strangely naïve part of me, and the other is just lack of knowledge/experiences, especially when it comes to relationships or opposite sex encounters.  And it’s funny because of my personality I think people assume that, that’s not the case.  Not that people think I’m a “hoe” lolol absoooooolutely not.  BUT, they certainly wouldn’t think I’m as reserved as I am.  And as I’ve gotten older I’m starting to realize that  there’s just some stuff I don’t know, nor have been exposed to AND because of that, I don’t know how to maneuver.  This in turn creates what??? Uncomfortable encounters.

*I'm gonna do my best to adjust this story to protect the innocent and only slay myself LOLOL we’ll see*

A few years back, I linked with an old friend, for drinks and to just, you know ,“hang out” (you’ll know why this is in quotes as you read on lol).  After a few drinks, he wanted to go back to his house to watch movies. I was cool with that. I mean, hey, I like movies and I could watch one or two that night.  So I was game. Now, when we got back to his house, I noticed he backed into the garage (as opposed to parking on the street). In my head I said “that’s an awfully permanent way to park” but whateves.  So, we go up to his apartment, go into the living room. Which was strangely bare and by that I mean, there was a couch, TV but really looked as if it was hardly ever used.   Now, we sit on the coach and …wait for it…low and behold, the DVD player in the living room didn’t work. But alas, all is not failed, he had a solution.  The DVD player in the bedroom worked….let’s watch movies in there. LOL.  And then it hit me.  Wait a minute? Was this the plan all along?

Now…

I know what y'all are saying….

Really Nik?

But I am telling you the God’s honest truth, it did NOT dawn on me until this very point that he had no intentions of watching a movie. Not in the movie watching sense that I meant.  I mean I REALLY wanted to watch a movie!  Who wouldn’t want to watch a movie??  I mean if you didn’t want to watch a movie, why say “let’s watch movies?”??  Was “let’s watch a movie” code for “come over my house so we can have sex?”  How off the mark is that? Movies=sex?? Where? Who? What? How? Huh?

Why the stress you ask? Various reasons 1) I had been abstinent for years and let’s be frank, we’re not 5 yrs old and this wasn’t planned as a normal sleepover. THAT I did know 2) I wasn’t prepared. (to sleepover that is lol) I’d been out all day and needed a fresh shower and fresh clothes 3) Really???? Like Really???

Anywho I didn’t know what to do.  I mean technically I got myself in this position…but how? And damn it. I knew better. Didn’t I??

So there I am. Me-on his couch.  He- in the bedroom. DVD player rollin…in the bedroom.  There’s about 20 secs of “Whachu gonna do girl? BBQ or mildew” moments here.  I panicked.  (And when I say panic I mean, hyperventilating.... yeah..it was bad…Michael Jackson bad.).  The walk back to the bedroom was like slowly walking the plank. 

Insert *long blinks here* say it with me AWKWARD!

It got worst…. I was stuck.  YES STUCK. Remember backing into the garage…the permanent parking. Ha! I was stuck there until the very next morning…9am to be exact. (yall saw that coming huh??)  I mean, who knew? *Nika shrug* clearly not I? 

I’ll leave this story here LOL I shan’t put the entire demise on the “innanets” and trust it was a “demise”. Demise, in a funny way, not a 911-scary way (don’t want yall to be concerned LOL)

Soooooooooo, the moral of this story is….When your back is against the wall .......and you're stuck between a rock and a hard place…hahahahahahaha okay okay there’s no moral. LOL

But the phrase that pays is: 

Be about that life.  If not, stay home.

The end.