Year 35: The Progressive Movement

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional” unknown

                                     

Okay so it’s not a big secret that I turned the big 3-5 this past weekend, lol partially because I don’t believe in keeping my birthday a secret! I mean I suppose out of respect for my grandmother (who believed no respectable woman should tell her age) I will eventually stop telling my age, but right now I’m 35 and proud of it! 

As a matter of fact, my birthday just so happens to be my favorite holiday of the year!!! Yes I said holiday! It truly is one in my mind.  To quote my dear friend Ant T…It’s called  "A Day". And I’ll take it a step further. “A week"… “A month".  Basically, it’s a celebration b*tches!!!!!!!!!!!!

No really.  I’ve always loved my birthday, and as I get older that love intensifies. I mean when I reflect on all of my peers who didn’t get to make it to 35, it’s just humbling.  To celebrate my birthday is to really truly appreciate the life God has given me.  So because of that, this weekend I found myself reflecting on me and my thoughts of getting older.   (Yes in New Orleans, I was thinking….alcohol can have that effect sometimes hehehe)

**Now y'all know, I grapple with getting too personal on this blog, but today I will make an exception just this one time ;-) ***

 Last year was a good year, but not an easy year.  Not only did I have family struggles and financial struggles, but I felt like I was emotionally unraveling.  Already an emotional and sensitive person, these “new” emotions were simply out of control.  Like has anyone ever felt like that?  Like things were spiraling out of control and all you could do was buckle in for the ride.  Yup, that was me.  An out of control, emotional broke mess. 

You know, my mind is a different entity.  It has a complete operating system of its own.  Sometimes it can create scenarios, situations, and emotions all on its own accord.  You see I’m an over thinker, yup, a classic Leo trait, and everything, anything, or nothing at all can send me on an emotional roller coaster.  It’s a side of me that up until recently I completely despised.  I say up until recently, because I only just decided to embrace it.  I’m over taking parts of myself and picking them apart and making them the enemy.  They’re great all on their on…favorable AND not so favorable traits.  Right? But hell why stop there?  This weekend I mentally created a list of things I learned about myself at 34, that I will stay mindful of at 35.  Because you know what, no matter how hard things seemed, how bad you think they were, how shady you think you’re hand was dealt, things could have certainly been worse.  And there is a lesson in everything. EVERYTHING.  It’s really all about perspective right?  So here’s my list of 34 things I learned at 34.  Feel free to add to the list in the comments. 

34 Things I Learned At 34:

1. I’ve been tremendously blessed, even if the blessing comes by way of an unrecognizable vehicle.
2. No matter how hard things may seem they can always be worse, as a matter fact. I’ve seen them get worse yet understand that it can get worse than that.
3. I’m stronger and more resourceful than what I realize.
4. Although I don’t have everything I want, I most certainly have everything I need.
5. I’ll never let anyone or anything make me feel less than or not worthy.
6. Although I hold on to these extra 30 pounds like a security blanket, that doesn’t make me any less beautiful than when I was without the extra layer ;-)
7. Beauty REALLY is more than appearance
8. Settling for mediocrity gets you nowhere.
9. To get different results you really have to shake things up.
10. And although after shaking things up I still didn’t get the results I wanted, at least I wasn’t in the same place I was a year ago.
11. Progress really is a good thing. Stop looking for the final answer, just enjoy the progress.
12. If I don’t truly love myself, how can I expect others to, and more importantly how I will I be able to ascertain when others do. 
13. Comparing myself to others is absolutely ridiculous and will get me no where.  Especially since blessings are individually tailored.
14. Nothing is more important than being true to you.
15. I should always try to be a really great and genuine friend, but yet recognize that still means I won’t be the perfect friend.
16. I am flawed, and it’s okay to accept that. 
17. No matter how hard I like someone, a relationship that don’t make.
18. And just because they don’t equally feel the same, that’s ok.  Some people like pineapples, some people don’t…that doesn’t make pineapples less tasty.
19. Sometimes it’s all about the recovery not necessarily the fall or what caused the fall.
20. Not everything has to be internalized.  You should leave some things right where they are.
21. People are more enticed by a genuine me than a manufactured me.
22. Not everyone is supposed to “get” me and its okay. I’m unique. I’m not for everyone.
23. Happiness is a state of mind not to be influenced by external factors
24. You can’t make anybody like you. Either they do or they don’t.
25. I shouldn’t have to convince you to like me. Either you do or your don’t
26. Number 26 is completely different from 25
27. Don’t confuse being alone with being lonely. Being alone has its benefits.
28. I’m emotional and I won’t make excuses for it.
29. As a matter of fact, I won’t make ANY excuses for who I am, make the effort to get to know me or keep it moving.
30. Some shit just isn’t that hard.
31. Although my biological clock is ticking, I won’t let desperation make decisions for me. I’ll wait for the right one at the right time.
32. Not everyone will celebrate you, with you, or for you….so what who cares, celebrate yourself and by yourself. One monkey don’t stop no show.
33. People come into your life and leave your life for many reasons, I’ve learned when to accept them and when to let them go.
34. I will set my own standard of beauty.

What are yours?

The Curious Case of the Habitual Home girl

“You know we all lookin’ for wifey material,  a woman that’s fine, smart, classy but not a snob.  Hella hella sexy but not a hoe, that’s brown sugar” Brown Sugar

***First let me say, I’ve been slow blogging because I was trying to find topics to blog that weren’t so…well…personal.  But eff it.  My blog..my life…shit’s personal.  Enjoy. LOL***

So there’s no secret I really love the movies “Just Wright” and “Brown Sugar”.  Not because they’re beautifully written or because of the stellar acting *side eye* I just really love the story lines.  Yes, Yes sappy as it may be….they have the potential to be beautiful love stories, you know once you get over the acting…the over acting…the…lack. of. acting.  Anywho, never mind that, the point is, I can relate to the story of the main characters.

Okay let me back up, here’s a little unknown/known fact about me: I’m a guy’s girl (and a girl’s girl, don’t want yall to think I’m that chick lol). But it’s a role I love and quite frankly revel in BUT it comes with very specific downfalls.  Quite frankly to be honest that shit doesn’t always work to your benefit.

I mean, let’s be real, personality wise, I’m cool as a fan.  I’m laid back (for the most part, I mean I have my hint of crazy like every chick, but that’s another post for another day).  I love to hang out. I’m from Cleveland, so you know I can drink with the best of them.  I don’t have an issue with strip clubs, so I’ve found myself at some Miami’s finest (I mean as fine as hood clubs can be). I like football. I love hip hop. I love hood music and can have a conversation about it.

Now, sounds good right?  That would be a negative.

Why is that?  I mean shouldn’t that be like my “dating resume”? Like who wouldn’t want to date a girl like me? The perfect girlfriend right?

Correction:  THE PERFECT HOMIE! Or and this is a direct quote “THE PERFECT HOMEGIRL”

Somewhere there is a fine line…and I have crossed it.  And trust there are some days that I say eff it.  I am who I am and one day someone will view this as an asset.  Buuuuut there are some days that I tell myself  “I have to break out of this box.” 

I can’t be stuck in the “homegirl box” forever.  I mean really? I poo poo on that box. EFF that box. That box can kick rocks. I’m bigger than that box…..sorry…I went on a tangent.  But just so you know, I’m real passionate about that mofo box.

So what’s the alternative?  Because I’ve been given tons of “sage” advice on how to break out of being the “home girl”.…from getting contacts, to wearing heels (daily), to wearing makeup, annnnd even once someone told me to be more dainty and light (like what the hell does that mean???? Oh not like that huh? lol)

Assuming it’s a bad thing, you know being the “homegirl’, how do you not be or become the home girl?  The reason I say “assuming” is that I personally thought being the “homegirl” was a good thing.  But then again I would.  I.AM.THE.HOME GIRL LOLOL  <<I crack myself up sometimes. 

But really? Let’s just entertain this for a bit. Am I delusional to thinking most men would want to be homies with their girlfriends? Is that a wild assumption to make?  Do they only want to be “boyfriends”? Where’s the fun in that?  Yall know my views on being besties with the one you love.  So……what makes a girl the perfect home girl and not the perfect girlfriend?

Maybe it’s the flirt to hang ratio?  Like maybe I hang more than I flirt so therefore there’s room to be ambiguous.  Perhaps I should up the flirt, and less the hang?  More giggle and less guffaw?  More sipping less guzzling?  More arm strokes and less high fives?  More elusiveness and less transparency?

Yeah. That’s it perhaps my ratios are off.  Perhaps...

But excuse me if I say, none of that sounds fun.  Don’t get me wrong, I flirt in my own way (which I guess if no one gets it, it should probably  be re-evaluated hahahaha)  but I just have a hard time not being real-in every regard.  AND I refuse to put on airs…often times all I really want to do is just have a good time anyway.  You see, I’m more of a “let’s just hang and kick it” kind of girl.  And when it’s all said and done, I guess I’ll just have to find a guy to match that. 

Yeah that’s it.  Efff it.  You know what, I’ll just take that home girl title and hold it AND own it.  Someone will appreciate it. I’m certain of that.

Right? Right? Riggggghhhhht? Right.