Today I quit life...
Let me say that again…I
QUIT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quit, checked out, sleep, not taking any messages- describe it how you want, just know that I am gone.
I seriously just can't
anymore.
I'm over everything! Every-thing!
I'm over everything! Every-thing!
Here’s the deal, this
morning my mood was so bad I could kick a puppy! Yes, a nice fluffy effin’ teeny
itty witty puppy!!!!!
People, I woke up this morning and said ...No.
Simply,
no.
But guess what world? There are no do-overs. There are no “wait until I get it
together” moments . There are no cares in the world
for little ol’ Nik.
So I have been forced to
find my happiness in my own place, in my own way, deep-deep down in the abyss
that no 38 year old should go. They write articles about this. Conduct research on this. Yes, even studies have been done on this very concept-The Hidden Happy Place.
Where is my happy place
you ask? It’s not at a party. It’s not deep in meditation. It’s not
relaxing on my couch. It’s not in a quiet
walk. It’s not in music. It’s not at the movies or even with friends.
It is in fact, my loves, hidden in a bag of potatoes-a 5-lb bag of potatoes.
Potatoes.
Yeah, I said it.
Yeah, I said it.
Let me say it again. Po-tay-toes…..
Hi, you wonderful carb filled deliciousness .
Hiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….you succulent heaven-Oh what a joy you bring…..
I have had red, sweet, and white potatoes every day and every which way for a week and counting. Fried, roasted, baked, with butter, with cheese, mashed, truffle potatoes. Hell, it's 9 am and I'm already plotting what my next batch of yumminess will be tonight.
Oh and
let me beat you to the punch line...yes, I'm trying to lose weight and no, I
don't care! I can’t find it in
me to care anymore.
This morning I put on my fat pants and guess what? They said "Welcome back, Bitch".
This morning I put on my fat pants and guess what? They said "Welcome back, Bitch".
I wasn’t even mad. I
settled in it like the repeat offender I am.
Sadly, this lack of care has manifested its self in other ways folks….
For example, a few weeks ago I looked in my closet and I realized I own 5 pairs of slacks...ONLY 5 pairs of work slacks. Uh huh...you do the math. *taps fingers *
You are correct; I've been wearing the saaaame outfits week after week. Hello world, where is the girl that cared about being fashion forward daily? Huuuuuh?
Seriously, can we say it again! Over it!
Over over over it!
And
just like my fat jean wearing ass refused to run for the train this morning,
I'm refusing to care about any of this anymore! I may just start a revolution. Nothing is safe. Like, you know those uncomfortable ass
thongs I’ve been wearing so YOU can’t see my panty line? Yes, you know the one
that makes me feel like I have something permanently wedged up my ass? PLEASE! You will see my panty line and deal
with it!!
Shaving my legs during the
winter? Faaaaaggeeeetaboutit!
That weight watchers
online subscription I signed up for? Pah! I will settle in this winter weight
and snuggle in its warmth!
Heels outside of funerals
and weddings? Never!
Contacts instead of
glasses? I think not.
No more I tell you. No more.
I mean, why can't naturally cute just be enough? Why can't waking up be… enough. Why can't showing up simply be enooooough!
Enough! Enough! Enough !!
(Yes, I said that AND stomped my feet)
Dear World, I am here and damn it that's all I've got.
So let this be, your invitation...an open one, if you will, to join the movement....
Listen, there's nothing out there for you? What glutton free misery? Fine, you may be in your skinny jeans...all skinny, so maybe this message isn't for you. Maybe you have found the answer to all that perplexes womankind-- a comfortable thong that feels like boy shorts.
Maybe. Just Maybe....
Ooooor maybe......you're sitting at your desk drinking your lemon water wondering when it's going to fake you out and "fill you up" since that lean cuisine has once again failed you approximately 3 hours ago; shifting from cheek to cheek wondering if anyone will notice if you went commando because the string on your thong has gotten thinner and thinner as the day goes long and if you wait any longer it most certainly might break skin....
YOU
YES...YOU!
Won't you join me? You know what they say...where there's one.....
*bites into potato chip and stares at the screen*
Let the church say, Amen...
(if you’re reading this
and thinking “We haven’t heard from her in a year and she has the nerve to pop up and says she
quits? The answer is yes…yes I did! Hahaha …don’t’ complain…don’t wonder…just
enjoy. I’m back
snitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
