When Crazy Comes Untucked Part 1

“Crazy doesn’t THINK it’s going crazy, crazy thinks it’s sane and just goes crazy” 

Co-worker

So let’s be honest with each other, we all have a little crazy in us right?  No not you? Okay maybe you should log off now.  But for the rest of us, crazy lurks on the inside right?  I mean it doesn’t necessarily mean you ARE crazy, but I believe we all have a touch of crazy apart of our character make up.  For some it hides deep on the inside and for others, you know, it’s a little closer to the surface.  And really how and when you see crazy is all about the trigger moments.  Some people are able to control crazy a lot better than others, you know keep it tucked, if you will.  But then again, there are those moments when crazy comes bubbling to the surface, comes out its deeply burrowed hole and debuts it’s uncontrollable foolishness.

                 

Now I think there are two types of crazy.  Emotional/relationship crazy (I will touch upon this in another post, because trust it must be addressed), and psychotic crazy (and when I say psychotic…I use it loosely…kind of). 

Where am I going with this?  Well friends, have you ever felt like you were going crazy?  I mean like certifiable, lock me up, and throw away the key crazy? No not you?  Well I have.  As a matter of fact, I’ve researched it.  Yes, y’all know I have O.C.D.  So research what you ask?  Schizophrenia/ Hallucinations you know small stuff like that.  LOLOL yes, yes, yes…I know…Web MD is NOT my friend!

You don’t know how many times I’ve gone to the doctor professing an illness I’ve diagnosed myself with online.  Hey man, it’s real out in these uninsured streets! And y’all would be amazed (from my research) how crazy, crazy can get! Oh wee…you should praise God right now that you have your right mind because really??? Real Schizophrenia is no joke.  Like imagine you’re walking down the street and as you’re walking you hear someone say “She thinks she’s cute” and you look around but no one is saying anything to you.  And then the voice says “Yeah that chick in the red shirt think she’s the shit” and you look around and YOU have the red shirt on, but again no one is saying anything. And then you hear “Yeah I’m talking about you bitch!”<<okay I kid on that last one, I’m not sure if the voices get aggressive like that lololol…but you get my point.  THAT my friend is some certifiable crazy isht!!!!

So as you can tell, in my research I found out I wasn’t in fact, crazy….but perhaps just a little unwell hehehe.  And being unwell is tots fine, as long as you can keep it confined in your own four walls.  Unfortunately, mine has come untucked way too many times.  Let me define untucked for you.  It’s when you publically…PUBLICALLY…show people just how “unwell” you can be.    And publically doesn’t have to be at the mall or in a crowded place.  You just need a witness to vouch for your untuckedness (yeah I made that up! What? Who gon check me boo??)

My first time I came untucked was a FAMU classic.  This story was told for years kind of like my own personal fable lol  (and yes you saw that correct, the FIRST TIME, there were plenty after).  Some friends of mine rented a house on St. George’s island.  It was a huge beach house, for just a weekend.  I think there were like 4 rooms and it claimed to sleep like 8 or something like that but you know that’s also counting the couch bed.  Now it slept 8 but it was maybe like 12 of us there.  Don’t judge me, y’all know that ignorant isht we used to do in college.  So the way the sleeping arrangements shook out, me and my friend ended up on the couch bed and two of the other guys ended up on the patio chairs (inside)…it was très ghetto!  So it’s really like 4 of us in the living room. 

Okay, so let me give you a little bit of background on me.  I can be peculiar about things.  I think it makes me unique.  I’ve been told it makes me weird.  To MA to…To MAH to.  But I have this thing about too much air in a room.  Like the flow of air, can be too much.  (sigggh already I realize I’ve told too much about myself as I try to explain this concept lol) But basically, I need to have the door closed to my bedroom or I need a finite room to sleep in due to the air flow.  Listen, just read it and move on…save the judgment lol.  SO with that said, I was uncomfortable sleeping in the living room because of…say it with me…TOO MUCH AIR. I believe it was this uncomfortable circumstance that triggered my untucked moment. 

Now I don’t really have all the facts of this story so I will tell you as I know it:

• I was sleep
• I had a crazy dream like I lost a wad of money
• I was frantic in the dream
• I heard my name being called
• I woke up and I was by the stairs
• I went back to bed and back to sleep

The next day one of the guys on the lawn chair says. “Yooooooooo Yana, you blacked out last night”. I’m like what are you talking about.  He proceeds to tell the story like this.  “Dude you woke up and were running all around the room, looking under the couch and in the corners.  I kept calling your name like ‘Yana, Yana’ but when you looked at me your eyes were blank and wild.  I called your name louder and you stopped dead at the steps. I asked you were you okay and you said “yeah I thought I lost something” and went back to sleep.  Yoooo that shit was crazy”

Sigggghhhh, can I tell y’all how embarrassing it is to realize you sleep walk in a room full of people.  You know your people don’t know how to act.  Before the weekend was out, I had become that little girl in the Exorcist sans the head spin.  And this wouldn’t be the last…nope…but I don’t think y’all are ready for the story of when I heard that man under my bed…I’ve given too much already. LOL

But really, sometimes crazy raises up and there’s nothing you can do about it, but give a shrug and say fuck it.  I mean we all have crazy in us right? *please say right*

*Nika shrug* but y’all still love me, no?

Storytelling Friday: A Scattered Smothered Covered Confession

“Ante Up! Yap that fool! Ante Up! Kidnap that fool!

It's the perfect timin’, you see the man shinin’

Get up off them god damn diamonds!”  ** M.O.P “Ante Up”

Can I be honest with y’all? We’re friends right? 

This single life ain’t ‘bout shit. 

Oh y’all weren’t ready for that?  Okay, let me clean it up. LOL. It’s a hard road no?  I mean I’ve been single for all of…..EVER and it’s exhausting.  I feel like my life is starting to mirror some weird reality show and I’m the only contender, like “The last woman standing”…. “Make or break her”….hahaha!

I just don’t have that hustle in me like I used to, that go out daily, nightly, and every day of the weekend…I’m tired.  Maybe I did too much too soon, too early but I just can’t muster the strength to do the prowl. That was soooooooo 2001.  But how else will I date?  Work is a dead end, online is a deader end.  Okay, so some people find themselves lucky online, I, how some ever, find that they link me with the corniest people.  Like I mistakenly put that I was Christian and rated that highly in my book, because in real life, it does mean a lot to me.  Online however, that translated to any Mormon-esque preacher, Holy Roller, 60 year old man looking for a preacher’s wife. And y’all know that ain’t even me…nu uh...no way…nooooooo no nooooo. Did I say no?

So with that said, as I scrolled through my match.com profile the other day. Oh you think I deleted my account because of that. Ha? Negative. Can’t leave any stones unturned. (so I tell myself) Yup, still on it and yeah…still being linked to preachers...maybe one day they’ll link me with a backslider, you never know. Hehehe I kid. I kid. Kind of….

But As I was scrolling through, I started rehashing some of my bad date stories and sadly I have more than just a few. It’s pretty ridiculous (and funny in hindsight). Hey don’t judge me.  Hmmph listen, find a girl who’s gone on a few dates, and you will uncover a pot of dating horror stories.  Yes? HELL YES!

There was a period of my life where every…EVER-Y date ending in a horrible tale to tell.  That was until I stopped dating.  Yes, I took myself out the game for several years.  Why come you ask?  I didn’t trust my judgment anymore.  When I was younger, and I stress younger, I used to have this saying that I wanted a man that was “thug with ambition”.  Now that I’m older, wiser, and a survivor of some harry situations I realize no such man exists.  And in actuality, I could do without that thug shit and skip right to ambition, with some side scoops of kindness, intelligence, and affection. 

But this story is before then….waaaaay before I smartened up.  As a matter of fact I had several dates after this one that progressively got worse. YES WORSE!! Hahaha. I can’t make this stuff up sometimes, albeit I wish I could and did, would spare me some of the close encounter pain.  

But nonetheless, here we go (maybe I’ll do a dating series on this blog…I have a few good stories to tell).  I was living in Atlanta and I had been dating pretty heavy but nothing great.  So I mentioned to a childhood friend of mine and ex-high school boyfriend, that I wanted to go out maybe just to the movies with someone cool, not overzealous, not possessive, and not hood fabulous, just a movie with a cool guy.  So he suggested that I meet his friend, we’ll call him Jake. So I met Jake. Jake WAS cool as a fan. I was like, word. Perfect. We went to a movie…dinner. In fact it was a great date.  We made plans for another date. And before I know it, we were in a dating, pseudo relationship.  Peeeerrrrrfect!

So, this one day Jake’s car was getting fixed, he asked if I could pick him up that night, he’d crash at my place and in the morning drop him off to get his car.  Not a problem.  Now, ironically, at the same time I was leaving my friend called me.  I told him what I was doing and he became instantly concerned.  He didn't think I should let Jake stay over, said his story was inconsistent and I needed to slow down.  Now I was young so I immediately assumed he was throwing shade, I mean we did have a previous relationship and I just thought he was trying to block.  So I dismissed him, and went to pick up Jake.  I really, really should have taken heed at this point but noooooo I can be so hard-headed at times.

Now, stay with the story, this is where it makes a turn for the worse (in clear Nika fashion).  I was starving so we decided to go to the Waffle house and in the midst of buttering my waffle, he decided to share his “story”.  And y'all know my motto, sharing is caring, however in this instance what came next, he could have kept to himself…truly. 

  

Now I’ll be honest; I tend to zone out a lot.  It’s my uncanny (hehe) ability to slip into a day dream at the drop of the dime.  I perfected it as a kid i.e. my safe space (that sounds sadder than it should really hahahaha) Okay, so I had zoned out but when I came back this is what I heard “…..that’s when I used to rob people”.

*cue suspense music*

Ummmm sir?

Come again?

So I sat there for maybe 5 seconds…kind of like a 5 second delay…took a minute to register.  And I was like, should I go there? A part of me was like nah, I don’t even want to know.  Another part of me was like…but really…what DOES he mean?  So inquiring minds wanted to know *insert me* “Sooooooo, when you say rob people…ummmm, what exactly do you mean?”

Boy O’boy…I should have seriously kept my mouth shut.  I didn’t want to know all of what he had to say…I didn’t NEED to know all of what he had to say (hence I won’t go into detail here…you can hit me on the side for that).  All you need to know is this, I was currently working at Target as a manager and this fool had me scared that perhaps he was using me for some inside job.  Yeah…it was THAT bad. 

Now here I was at a crossroads. I, Jake, my waffle, and my scattered smothered covered hash browns were at an impasse.   Do I let on, he’s shared TOO much and I am now scared, and take his butt home? Or do I continue with the plan, even though I’m now scared I’m in the presence of a straight up criminal?  With only a few minutes to contemplate, I continued on with the plan.

Friends, have you ever had random moments of clarity? Like straight up Aha moments?  They can come in the form of a random sign, happenstance, or déjà vu, but you know it when you see it. Right?  Listen, I had my childhood dog with me in Atlanta, this dog I had had since I was in the fourth grade.  He was old, ornery, had cataracts, arthritis, everything under the sun, basically we should have put him down years ago LOL.  Anyway, this dog barely ever barked.  The moment Jake walked into the house, Khari (that was his name...don’t hate! Lol) stood at attention, followed me around the house, and barked anytime this dude was within a hands reach of me. I was like shit; EVEN the dog knew he was a shady character!!!!!! But it was perfect. It gave me my out. Khari landed Jake on the couch until the morning, since he stood watch at the door the entire night! Yeah it was pretty intense.

Anywho, I dropped him off the next day and he was gone from my life.  Now I know what you’re wondering, did I ask my friend why he hooked us up? Absolutely.  And his response?  “You said you wanted to go to the movies.”

Lesson learned:  When looking for someone to vouch for the people you date, check THEIR credentials too. Hahahahaha!

** Blogger note: Has anyone noticed my storytelling days are never the same day?? Lolol I need to work out a schedule seriously….one day…until then…we press on…**

Friends With Benefits

“Myth: Casual sex has no consequences: CASUAL SEX DOES NOT EXIST! The notion of simply having casual sex and not catch “feelings” (or anything else, like an STD) is false. Studies from leading biological anthropologist Helen Fisher show that sexual encounters trigger romantic love”.  **Paul Brunson from the online Essence article “10 Common Love Myths Debunked”

So I was watching this movie at work “No strings attached”, totes cute starring Ashton Kutcher, a complete romantic comedy and it got the wheels turning.  Yes, Yes I know, last week I adamantly rebuked romantic comedies, but you know, they can be a slow sneaker.  You’re watching and it’s all cute and funny and then it’s like BAM all extra sappy and romantic. So cute and funny and in the end it all just magically works out right?  I guess that’s how life is, huh?

NOT!

 If life was like a movie it would be more like the shower scene in a horror flick...you see a shadow and you're like "Kitty, is that you???” Hell no! Its life *cue surprise knife scene and music* hehehehe

Okay ,okay… that was way pessimistic I know y’all know my sense a humor…maybe? Well, it takes a special person.  LOL.  

Anyway, I was watching “No Strings Attached” and it had me thinking about the phrase “friends with benefits.”  Ironically enough I read this article yesterday about the 10 myths of love and that was enough for me to pose a gazillion questions.  Like who came up with this term? Friends….with benefits.  Can this work?  Is this even possible?   

I mean quietly it’s the most contradictory-ish shit I've ever heard. Real talk (yeah I said it...real muthaeffin talk), the beauty of every relationship is the friendship, no? And when I say relationship I mean the true definition i.e. bonding with another individual etc.  So, if you are friends...and I mean true friends, then there's already an intimate connection, you’re just adding the benefit part, which quite frankly is the worst thing you can do, seriously.   But you add it anyway, under the guise that its no feelings…no emotions...just having fun. Man listen, if that ain’t the most smoke and mirror....yo...if you're friends already...you're ALREADY emotionally connected. The sex (if it's good) is simply the cherry on top. No? So how can you engage and claim it to be “no strings attached” if there are strings to begin with …

But those who believe in it tell me, how exactly does this work?  I would love one person to tell me when “friends” with benefits have ever worked out positively for them.  Where they did it and were still friends afterward?

Anybody…anybody…Bueller…Bueller….

So again, who came up with the phrase "friends with benefits"?

Now, I’m not saying that the “no attachment” sex doesn’t work.  For some people it works just fine. What I AM saying is don't do it with your friends, it’s just a recipe for trouble.  I mean listen, casual sex alludes that this is done over a period of time, a booty call should not be dragged out that long, is just ill-conceived and plain and simply a bad idea.  BUT,  if it’s going to be done, it can’t be on a long term and continuous basis. It really must be a hit and quit it moment, or else….it …becomes…a…relationship. Yes?

In all actuality, the wording should be more of...acquaintances with benefits...ummm, “people I know, but don't know “with benefits....“you can have some but I don't really want to talk about anything substantial” with benefits....Now THIS could actually work.  LOL

 

But certainly NOT Friends with Benefits….

You CAN NOT have an established friendship and bring in intimacy and think the emotions will remain at bay….it just doesn’t make any common sense.  Unless: yes, there is a caveat…UNLESS there was no attraction to begin with….but then, would you even want to have sex with the person?  

Get my drift? The point is leave the friendship alone for the real relationships, in all honesty its better suited there...

Trust.