Friends With Benefits

“Myth: Casual sex has no consequences: CASUAL SEX DOES NOT EXIST! The notion of simply having casual sex and not catch “feelings” (or anything else, like an STD) is false. Studies from leading biological anthropologist Helen Fisher show that sexual encounters trigger romantic love”.  **Paul Brunson from the online Essence article “10 Common Love Myths Debunked”

So I was watching this movie at work “No strings attached”, totes cute starring Ashton Kutcher, a complete romantic comedy and it got the wheels turning.  Yes, Yes I know, last week I adamantly rebuked romantic comedies, but you know, they can be a slow sneaker.  You’re watching and it’s all cute and funny and then it’s like BAM all extra sappy and romantic. So cute and funny and in the end it all just magically works out right?  I guess that’s how life is, huh?

NOT!

 If life was like a movie it would be more like the shower scene in a horror flick...you see a shadow and you're like "Kitty, is that you???” Hell no! Its life *cue surprise knife scene and music* hehehehe

Okay ,okay… that was way pessimistic I know y’all know my sense a humor…maybe? Well, it takes a special person.  LOL.  

Anyway, I was watching “No Strings Attached” and it had me thinking about the phrase “friends with benefits.”  Ironically enough I read this article yesterday about the 10 myths of love and that was enough for me to pose a gazillion questions.  Like who came up with this term? Friends….with benefits.  Can this work?  Is this even possible?   

I mean quietly it’s the most contradictory-ish shit I've ever heard. Real talk (yeah I said it...real muthaeffin talk), the beauty of every relationship is the friendship, no? And when I say relationship I mean the true definition i.e. bonding with another individual etc.  So, if you are friends...and I mean true friends, then there's already an intimate connection, you’re just adding the benefit part, which quite frankly is the worst thing you can do, seriously.   But you add it anyway, under the guise that its no feelings…no emotions...just having fun. Man listen, if that ain’t the most smoke and mirror....yo...if you're friends already...you're ALREADY emotionally connected. The sex (if it's good) is simply the cherry on top. No? So how can you engage and claim it to be “no strings attached” if there are strings to begin with …

But those who believe in it tell me, how exactly does this work?  I would love one person to tell me when “friends” with benefits have ever worked out positively for them.  Where they did it and were still friends afterward?

Anybody…anybody…Bueller…Bueller….

So again, who came up with the phrase "friends with benefits"?

Now, I’m not saying that the “no attachment” sex doesn’t work.  For some people it works just fine. What I AM saying is don't do it with your friends, it’s just a recipe for trouble.  I mean listen, casual sex alludes that this is done over a period of time, a booty call should not be dragged out that long, is just ill-conceived and plain and simply a bad idea.  BUT,  if it’s going to be done, it can’t be on a long term and continuous basis. It really must be a hit and quit it moment, or else….it …becomes…a…relationship. Yes?

In all actuality, the wording should be more of...acquaintances with benefits...ummm, “people I know, but don't know “with benefits....“you can have some but I don't really want to talk about anything substantial” with benefits....Now THIS could actually work.  LOL

 

But certainly NOT Friends with Benefits….

You CAN NOT have an established friendship and bring in intimacy and think the emotions will remain at bay….it just doesn’t make any common sense.  Unless: yes, there is a caveat…UNLESS there was no attraction to begin with….but then, would you even want to have sex with the person?  

Get my drift? The point is leave the friendship alone for the real relationships, in all honesty its better suited there...

Trust.