When Crazy Comes Untucked Part 1

“Crazy doesn’t THINK it’s going crazy, crazy thinks it’s sane and just goes crazy” 

Co-worker

So let’s be honest with each other, we all have a little crazy in us right?  No not you? Okay maybe you should log off now.  But for the rest of us, crazy lurks on the inside right?  I mean it doesn’t necessarily mean you ARE crazy, but I believe we all have a touch of crazy apart of our character make up.  For some it hides deep on the inside and for others, you know, it’s a little closer to the surface.  And really how and when you see crazy is all about the trigger moments.  Some people are able to control crazy a lot better than others, you know keep it tucked, if you will.  But then again, there are those moments when crazy comes bubbling to the surface, comes out its deeply burrowed hole and debuts it’s uncontrollable foolishness.

                 

Now I think there are two types of crazy.  Emotional/relationship crazy (I will touch upon this in another post, because trust it must be addressed), and psychotic crazy (and when I say psychotic…I use it loosely…kind of). 

Where am I going with this?  Well friends, have you ever felt like you were going crazy?  I mean like certifiable, lock me up, and throw away the key crazy? No not you?  Well I have.  As a matter of fact, I’ve researched it.  Yes, y’all know I have O.C.D.  So research what you ask?  Schizophrenia/ Hallucinations you know small stuff like that.  LOLOL yes, yes, yes…I know…Web MD is NOT my friend!

You don’t know how many times I’ve gone to the doctor professing an illness I’ve diagnosed myself with online.  Hey man, it’s real out in these uninsured streets! And y’all would be amazed (from my research) how crazy, crazy can get! Oh wee…you should praise God right now that you have your right mind because really??? Real Schizophrenia is no joke.  Like imagine you’re walking down the street and as you’re walking you hear someone say “She thinks she’s cute” and you look around but no one is saying anything to you.  And then the voice says “Yeah that chick in the red shirt think she’s the shit” and you look around and YOU have the red shirt on, but again no one is saying anything. And then you hear “Yeah I’m talking about you bitch!”<<okay I kid on that last one, I’m not sure if the voices get aggressive like that lololol…but you get my point.  THAT my friend is some certifiable crazy isht!!!!

So as you can tell, in my research I found out I wasn’t in fact, crazy….but perhaps just a little unwell hehehe.  And being unwell is tots fine, as long as you can keep it confined in your own four walls.  Unfortunately, mine has come untucked way too many times.  Let me define untucked for you.  It’s when you publically…PUBLICALLY…show people just how “unwell” you can be.    And publically doesn’t have to be at the mall or in a crowded place.  You just need a witness to vouch for your untuckedness (yeah I made that up! What? Who gon check me boo??)

My first time I came untucked was a FAMU classic.  This story was told for years kind of like my own personal fable lol  (and yes you saw that correct, the FIRST TIME, there were plenty after).  Some friends of mine rented a house on St. George’s island.  It was a huge beach house, for just a weekend.  I think there were like 4 rooms and it claimed to sleep like 8 or something like that but you know that’s also counting the couch bed.  Now it slept 8 but it was maybe like 12 of us there.  Don’t judge me, y’all know that ignorant isht we used to do in college.  So the way the sleeping arrangements shook out, me and my friend ended up on the couch bed and two of the other guys ended up on the patio chairs (inside)…it was très ghetto!  So it’s really like 4 of us in the living room. 

Okay, so let me give you a little bit of background on me.  I can be peculiar about things.  I think it makes me unique.  I’ve been told it makes me weird.  To MA to…To MAH to.  But I have this thing about too much air in a room.  Like the flow of air, can be too much.  (sigggh already I realize I’ve told too much about myself as I try to explain this concept lol) But basically, I need to have the door closed to my bedroom or I need a finite room to sleep in due to the air flow.  Listen, just read it and move on…save the judgment lol.  SO with that said, I was uncomfortable sleeping in the living room because of…say it with me…TOO MUCH AIR. I believe it was this uncomfortable circumstance that triggered my untucked moment. 

Now I don’t really have all the facts of this story so I will tell you as I know it:

• I was sleep
• I had a crazy dream like I lost a wad of money
• I was frantic in the dream
• I heard my name being called
• I woke up and I was by the stairs
• I went back to bed and back to sleep

The next day one of the guys on the lawn chair says. “Yooooooooo Yana, you blacked out last night”. I’m like what are you talking about.  He proceeds to tell the story like this.  “Dude you woke up and were running all around the room, looking under the couch and in the corners.  I kept calling your name like ‘Yana, Yana’ but when you looked at me your eyes were blank and wild.  I called your name louder and you stopped dead at the steps. I asked you were you okay and you said “yeah I thought I lost something” and went back to sleep.  Yoooo that shit was crazy”

Sigggghhhh, can I tell y’all how embarrassing it is to realize you sleep walk in a room full of people.  You know your people don’t know how to act.  Before the weekend was out, I had become that little girl in the Exorcist sans the head spin.  And this wouldn’t be the last…nope…but I don’t think y’all are ready for the story of when I heard that man under my bed…I’ve given too much already. LOL

But really, sometimes crazy raises up and there’s nothing you can do about it, but give a shrug and say fuck it.  I mean we all have crazy in us right? *please say right*

*Nika shrug* but y’all still love me, no?