“An unshared life is
not living. He who shares does not lessen, but greatens, his life.”
Have you ever played that game truth? Okay, I may be making up the name of the game,
but you know the one…everyone sits in a circle in the dark, your hands are in
the circle where your pinky’s touch another person's pinkies? Someone asks a question and if it’s your
truth, then you pull a finger back. Now,
no one will know your truth unless you’re down to your two pinkies in which
only the person next to you will know what you “admitted” to doing or your
truth. Mind you there are so many
different variations to this game….Truth, Questions, Pennies in the dark…the
point is it’s a random confessional. And
the questions range from uber personal “Did you lose your virginity in high
school?” to “Do you eat pork?”, questions that
you could ask with the lights on, but somehow feel better about being “honest”
in the dark, right? I absolutely loooved
this game. I’m a sharer…my core itches
to share. And I usually love for you to share with
me; Nooooot like the little old lady on
the train who wants to tell you about her psoriasis type of sharing, but true friendship
sharing.
But even as I type this, I fully know there’s something
uneasy about sharing. To share with others personal stuff about yourself is to
make yourself vulnerable. But the reality is even if it’s just for a moment, in order for you
to truly, genuinely develop relationships you’re going to have to let your guard down,
and that can be scary. And the fact
remains that you can't really ever get to know anyone unless you share. There are people that I call my close friends,
besties even, that if I think about it there are holes in what I know about
them. Like have you ever been out with a
friend and they reveal some isht and you’re like ….word??? Do I even know you?
Like dude, who knew you had a fear of midgets wearing yellow? LOL Okay not that
extreme, BUT I am often taken aback
with how little I know of some people.
Weird, right? So how do you get to know people? People are so extra protective of
their information…anti-sharers. And all
for various reasons I suppose. I’m a
sharer, so this is hard for me to understand and even explain but if I had to
take a stab at it, I would assume folks are scared to be vulnerable. And no, I don’t mean sharing how your day
went….I mean sharing something like “sometimes when I go to sleep I sing lullabies
to myself”. No, that’s not my personal
truth. Seriously! It’s not! (It’s somebody’s though lol) But, it’s those types of truths that we’re
scared to share. We’re scared to allow
people to seriously know us. And that’s
sad really, for I truly believe that you will never experience the beauty and
closeness of true friendship until you open yourself up, and expose your true
you. Because really what’s caring
without sharing? Yes?
With that said, I have a new initiative, to allow myself
moments of vulnerability in all of my relationships. To really make an effort to open myself up to
the people that matter (because truth be told not everybody deserve such bare
bones treatment….let’s be clear)
With that said, since I consider you all my friends (sort
of) I will attempt to share a bit with
you all here…you know to jump start this new project. Yes? So, we’ll call this Nik’s 25 confessions….Okay 25 is a lot…so we’ll say
Nik’s confessions, until she gets tired of confessing….bare with me , it’s
late, that’s all I could come up with…
Nik’s Confessions
Until She Gets Tired of Confessing
·
I still really struggle with telling time on a
non digital watch as well as knowing my right from my left. Don’t laugh…I don’t know why this is a
struggle for me. I was in honor’s
classes my entire life. I mean I’m no
genius, but I’m genuinely smart. However,
if I’m walking down the street and someone yells “Quick run to your left” and
my life depends on it??? I’m a dead girl walking. Dead. Girl. Walking.
·
Sometimes (please note that this IS NOT all the
time) I look at peoples kids and think (in my head) this child isn’t cute. I mean, you can’t fake that can you?
·
In a conversation with me sometimes I fake
listening. I’m a day dreamer…it’s a hard
job but somebody has to do it! If I say “ummm hmmm” “that’s sooo funny” “I hear
you” I. Haven’t. Heard. A. Word. You’ve. Said.
Just hang up and try later and I say that with love. Really.
·
I collect things. No not pennies….more like…discard-able
things. But kind of not really on
purpose…more like just never throw them away. Like ummm my…face wash
containers. I have 3 empty ones…I don’t
know if I look at them and say “oh look…I used 3 containers in 3 months” or I’m
just lazy. As a matter of fact, let me
just go throw them away now. (I dare you to call me a hoarder. I’m not. I’m a
collector. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it)
·
When the time changes, like spring forward or
falls back. I never really change with
it. For the next few months, if I look
at the clock and it says 3pm, I will always say in my head “but it’s really 2pm”. I’m sure that says something about my ability
or inability to adjust to change.
Whateves.
·
I only like large bars of soap. Seems simple right? When the soap gets about 1/4
small, I cannot use it anymore. But I hate
being wasteful. So I “collect” them…you
know…oh never mind *goes to throw the soap away*
·
When I was little I used to daydream about being
a singer and in this daydream I had a curl (yup a Jheri special. Don’t judge me, I really wanted a curl and
thought they were sooo fly) and a corduroy skirt/jacket outfit. To this day I have a slight affinity for corduroy….curls
not so much.
·
Sometimes when I confuse my prayers and my
grace, and start saying my prayers during grace and my grace during my nightly
prayers. And, sadly don’t really catch myself until I’m halfway through…
·
And lastly (yes Nik has had enough) when people
write with a marker or pencil on paper, it’s my fingernails on a
chalkboard. In order to make the noise “right”
I have to “erase” it with my hand.
<<<Yes that’s confusing and yes you read it right. One day, if we’re really friends, I’ll show
what I mean hahahahaha
Was that enough for you? Feel like you know me? Feel like
maybe I shared too much? Didn’t want to know that I wanted a curl, eh? Questioning your love for me as a friend
based on my container gathering? Or maybe
you’re finding comrades of sorts in your inability to tell time? Yes...No?
Listen, my favorite phrase in the entire world is “sharing
is caring”. Nothing shows you care more
than sharing yourself, your world, your thoughts, your life. If you want to show you care about someone,
open yourself up to them. And on the
flip side, the same applies; want to show how much you DON’T care about someone,
don’t share…don’t inquire about their lives…don’t open yourself up to
them. It will be picture clear.
I have always been a sharer; most people can vouch for
that. But it goes deeper than just sharing;
it’s the quality of the information I’m sharing with you that matters. I can “share” surface tidbits with you and
call us close, or I can really open up and build solid relationships. And really what says we’re true friends like
knowing I like corduroy suits.
