***First let me say, I’ve been slow blogging because I was trying to find topics to blog that weren’t so…well…personal. But eff it. My blog..my life…shit’s personal. Enjoy. LOL***
So there’s no secret I really love the movies “Just Wright” and “Brown Sugar”. Not because they’re beautifully written or because of the stellar acting *side eye* I just really love the story lines. Yes, Yes sappy as it may be….they have the potential to be beautiful love stories, you know once you get over the acting…the over acting…the…lack. of. acting. Anywho, never mind that, the point is, I can relate to the story of the main characters.
Okay let me back up, here’s a little unknown/known fact about me: I’m a guy’s girl (and a girl’s girl, don’t want yall to think I’m that chick lol). But it’s a role I love and quite frankly revel in BUT it comes with very specific downfalls. Quite frankly to be honest that shit doesn’t always work to your benefit.
I mean, let’s be real, personality wise, I’m cool as a fan. I’m laid back (for the most part, I mean I have my hint of crazy like every chick, but that’s another post for another day). I love to hang out. I’m from Cleveland Miami
Now, sounds good right? That would be a negative.
Why is that? I mean shouldn’t that be like my “dating resume”? Like who wouldn’t want to date a girl like me? The perfect girlfriend right?
Correction: THE PERFECT HOMIE! Or and this is a direct quote “THE PERFECT HOMEGIRL”
Somewhere there is a fine line…and I have crossed it. And trust there are some days that I say eff it. I am who I am and one day someone will view this as an asset. Buuuuut there are some days that I tell myself “I have to break out of this box.”
I can’t be stuck in the “homegirl box” forever. I mean really? I poo poo on that box. EFF that box. That box can kick rocks. I’m bigger than that box…..sorry…I went on a tangent. But just so you know, I’m real passionate about that mofo box.
So what’s the alternative? Because I’ve been given tons of “sage” advice on how to break out of being the “home girl”.…from getting contacts, to wearing heels (daily), to wearing makeup, annnnd even once someone told me to be more dainty and light (like what the hell does that mean???? Oh not like that huh? lol)
Assuming it’s a bad thing, you know being the “homegirl’, how do you not be or become the home girl? The reason I say “assuming” is that I personally thought being the “homegirl” was a good thing. But then again I would. I.AM.THE.HOME GIRL LOLOL <<I crack myself up sometimes.
But really? Let’s just entertain this for a bit. Am I delusional to thinking most men would want to be homies with their girlfriends? Is that a wild assumption to make? Do they only want to be “boyfriends”? Where’s the fun in that? Yall know my views on being besties with the one you love. So……what makes a girl the perfect home girl and not the perfect girlfriend?
Maybe it’s the flirt to hang ratio? Like maybe I hang more than I flirt so therefore there’s room to be ambiguous. Perhaps I should up the flirt, and less the hang? More giggle and less guffaw? More sipping less guzzling? More arm strokes and less high fives? More elusiveness and less transparency?
Yeah. That’s it perhaps my ratios are off. Perhaps...
But excuse me if I say, none of that sounds fun. Don’t get me wrong, I flirt in my own way (which I guess if no one gets it, it should probably be re-evaluated hahahaha) but I just have a hard time not being real-in every regard. AND I refuse to put on airs…often times all I really want to do is just have a good time anyway. You see, I’m more of a “let’s just hang and kick it” kind of girl. And when it’s all said and done, I guess I’ll just have to find a guy to match that.
Yeah that’s it. Efff it. You know what, I’ll just take that home girl title and hold it AND own it. Someone will appreciate it. I’m certain of that.
Right? Right? Riggggghhhhht? Right.
RIGHT! Girl, one of my guy friends told me I might as well have a "you know what" between my legs...because I"m like a guy in a relationship... LOL BUT, he also said someone WILL GET ME ONE DAY! So...someone will get you too..... It's bound to happen!
ReplyDeleteThis is Nakia, but posting as Anonymous so I don't have to sign in and all that.
ReplyDeleteHere's what you need to do: Your personality is DOPE! No need to change ANY of that!! It never hurts to dress up glam once in awhile, it's good for you and you look good and feel good. But only do that when you want, when you feel like it (i.e. in New Orleans, on a date) What you need to do is cut loose any straight, single guy friends who take up your time and are not putting out!! Putting out, i.e. buying you food and drinks; fixing things for you, or giving you sex. If they are not a lover or potential boyfriend with handyman skills - don't waste your time with 'em!!! Why? Because if you are spending time with a guy and he's not giving you anything in return except "friendship" (he gets to use you as a girlfriend filler until the chick he thinks he can get in his mind comes along) and ya'll havent been friends since childhood, you are just using up your emotional space that would be better spent on a guy who has potential to be your man. Here is what I have found - if a guy has romantic feelings for you, you will know RIGHT AWAY. If you are still in the FRIEND ZONE and it's been a couple of months - keep it moving!! Trust me!!
Neka, I love you for posting this! It''s E. You had me dying laughing with the box tantrum. I actually agree with you though. I think tweaking your ratios and striking the right balance is key. I also think glamming it up a little more is key. Dudes like a little of that. My philosophy is know what you want, what it costs to get it, and act accordingly. As much as I abhor what I am about to say, there is a bit of game played in successful dating. I'm struggling hard to learn it bc I really think you sit out if you don't play it to some degree. It's a sacrifice, but everything in life that is worthwhile involves some degree of sacrifice. You have everything that it takes to be successful at dating and relationships. You are generous, kind, cool as shit, absolutely gorgeous, fun loving. I think it's all about the ratios, Nek. Start experimenting with turning up the flirt/fem factor and getting more comfy with it. I think we all need tweaking in some areas, and it's all good. Nobody is perfect.The more confidence you exude, the more you'll draw them in. You deserve it!!!
ReplyDeleteWe are who we are and its not worth changing yourself for somebody..to find out u dont like the new you or the damn person!!
ReplyDeleteGurl. I. Need. More. Post. From. You. In. My. Life.
ReplyDeleteThis was a hilariously great post!! I'm rootin for you to have that one who will appreciate all of you!
ReplyDeleteUgh so irritated, wrote all this great advice, then it didn't post. Essentially I was saying that you just have to approach your relationships differently and stick to your intent. If you want to be in a committed relationship, and you see it heading to homegirl status, fall back, readjust, and restate your intention. If y'all not on the same page, deuces! And keep it moving. You have a vantage point because when you are a homegirl guys trust you and they are more honest about themselves when you are one of the guys to them. You are beautiful, talented, creative, hilarious!!! And you ain't got kids, and you're in a metropolis!!! Lol!!! Girl, you better quit playing!!! Lol!!! Step ya flirt game up, and don't be casual if you want a relationship..."nika time ain't play time, when we getting married nukka!!" Yikes!!!Lol! But you can use your cool and humor to cut through the bull, catts don't know what they are missing if they have a free pass to stay present with no action. -Ang
ReplyDelete