Brooklyn Dodger

“Where you can't put your vest away and say you'll wear it tomorrow
Cause the day after we'll be saying, damn I was just with him yesterday” Jay-Z

The duck and dodge is real in New York. You have the debilitating cost of living, the hazardous conditions of city living, arduous commutes, or even the pollution and All of that is a daily struggle, yet THAT isn’t even the dodge I’m referencing.  

What I’m talking about is the fact that crazy can come an inch from you and tap you on your shoulder, graze your arm…close enough to kiss you…ooooor stab you, all depending on the mood.   I mean let’s be real, the duck and dodge is real in this city. You MUST stay on the good foot at all times.   There’s no such thing as letting your guard down EVER.  Even when you look relaxed you still have your side eye-the good one on alert.  ALWAYS.

Buuuut yet in still, there’s that one, the slickest of slick, that every now and then gets past your ever so guarded personal space.  The one that somehow manages to permeate your safe space in a way that you never saw coming.  And this perhaps can happen, once a day? Maybe twice?  Yeah I know you’re like, Whooooa Nik, I thought you were on the good foot? How in the H - E - double hockey sticks can one get past you twice a day. 

Easily.

One or two is average on a good day.....when you have dodged…well over 2 dozen incidents!

Hmmph! Just last week a pigeon struck my cheek (yes it went from brushed to “struck”!)  And then a rat grazed my toe running into a building.  AND don’t get me started on the homeless man whose toes touched my very own toes…

TOUCHED MY TOES WITH HIS TOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is nothing sacred????? 

And this morning was no different, unfortunately for me.  Picture this: I’m late. (no comments from the peanut gallery) and as I wade through the murky crowd of some of Crown Heights finest (insert sarcasm here).  I jump on the express train trying to catch the local (amateurs, don’t try this…only for professionals lol) , low and behold, what’s on my train?  A crazy. 

Not a “Class A” crazy, those are easy to spot and, consequently, to avoid.  It was more like a “Class C”.  You know the ones, that you think are sane but something seems off?  Like they have a tick? A mumble? Maybe they start a conversation and no one’s really around?  Winter clothes in the summer?  Sleep just a little TOO hard on the train, kind of like deep bedroom sleep?  Make up looks like a 5 year old did it?  A slight urine-esque smell?  Wig not quite on straight?  Yeah those are “Class C” crazies. 

Now in case you were wondering, “Class B” turns it up a bit, like louder than the norm.  Just kicks it up a notch.  And “Class A”, no explanation needed, you’ll see them coming a mile away.

Anywho, “Class C” was on the train. I jumped on, claimed my seat like “MINE!” Sat down and surveyed the scene.  Yes, I know backwards.  Usually I survey, claim, sit.  But today I was tired, late, and well…shit, why am I fronting, I wanted the seat okay? 

So I survey the scene…normal guy.  But he had a slight tick. He kept cracking his neck.  And when he looked at me, he had the,what I call, “crazy in the eye” look.  You know very glazy, look at you but not AT you? Yep, that look.  So he’s looking crazy in the eye.  And he’s writing in this book.  Now in between writing, he would crack his head, look around (with the crazy eye) and then continue writing frantically.  So you know me…still surveying the scene…I look at the book, juuuuuust to see what he was writing.

Man listen…it’s all good until you find what you’re looking for and realize you didn’t want to find it? SMH!

This book looked like some shit from a movie….numbers.  Just numbers.  Equations maybe? Counting maybe? But EVERY inch had numbers in it. EVER-Y INCH!!!!!

Sir.

What .

Are.

You .

Calculating??????

As A Matter of fact….

NEVER

MIND

*grabs things and exits stage left*

(blogger note: Sorry for the long delay in posts…I really didn’t think through a schedule once I started having script deadlines.  I will try to be more consistent going forward….(hopefully) )