NIK’S RIDER BILL OF RIGHTS...

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." - Sex in the City

Maaaan listen, I know I said I’m ready to date. But really I think I’m ready for a relationship, quite frankly if it wasn’t for the “ol’ getting to know you to see if we fit” thing, I could totes skip dating.  It’s so cumbersome ESPECIALLY for a girl who tends to attract crazies, weirdo’s, posers, and overall any castaway from relationship island.  It’s not that I look for them; it’s that I think maybe… they look for me.  I think I’m so casual about my dating life that if you are unavailable, have a hang up and or issue, I think my posture might scream “hey you over there…pick me!”

Whatever the case may be, I can’t avoid it-Want a relationship, gotta date.  Unnnnless I get an arranged marriage…..it’s a thought…..nah, check in with me in a couple years…if I can’t make it happen…arrange away lol.  Put that on e’ry thing I love! E’ry thing!!!

But I digress.  Now where were we….oh  yes….this confusing road called Single and Ready.  It’s a mess isn’t it??  The crazy thing is you always think you know what you want, what you’re ready for and then once you start on the path you’re like wait a minute … “hol up, hol up, hol up…” no so much right?

So check it, I may not know much of what I want, and those who know me outside of this blog/twitter/facebook and any other social media site I’m pimpin’ my name on….knows that I’m all over the place.  I’m a Leo, and I’m hella emotional, hella indecisive.  I shoot from the hip and as soon as the bullet is gone I will always, always want it back…but not without asking 3 people first if wanting it back is a good idea…hahahaha ! Yes, so the point is, I change my mind all the time.  ALL the time.  So as I’m embarking on dating….excuse me…trying to date…ahem…really…trying to figure out who I am in this dating world, I realize that there are many things that I’ve said I’ve wanted, thought I’ve wanted, prayed to have that I’m not so certain about anymore.  The hard core reality is I don’t really know what I want.  I’ve had glimpses of what I think I want, but I can’t quite be certain. And, as of late I’m becoming more and more sure of what it is I DON’T want.  Have to start somewhere right? 

Hey listen, I’m not a picky person. Really, I’m not. I have 2 maybe 3 (okay 4) requirements. 

1) Fun: We have to have fun together.  Yes, relationships take work, but dude I don’t want to feel like I’m going to work!!! LOL it should not drain you. 

2) I have to like you:  Like want to be around you, like you as a friend, and feel comfortable being my “me” around you.  This is important. In a society that’s constantly feeding woman the “what you need to do to keep/get/ kidnap “a man stories, it creates an environment where women are second guessing themselves.  One article says men like make up and heels…women with sensitive skin and flat feet are out buying out the back inventory of Sephora and stocking up on Red Bottoms….an article says men like women who are flirty and frail…chicks are out working on their light giggle and eating wafers and water.  Listen, nothing is wrong with presenting your best self IF it’s your true self but damn it…I’m not going to create a new me, just to snag you.  So in the end you just simply have to like me and I have to be comfortable giving you my me. (Which by the way is some kind of awesome if you’ve ever experienced it lol) 

3) I have to be physically attracted to you.  Yes people, I going to need to want to have sex with you.  Pow. Yup, I said it.  I can love you all day long when the day is done if I don’t have to urge to WANT to jump your bones, well then….party’s over.  You can’t fake that type of attraction…

4)I want you to be in to me.  Not just like me as a friend, not just think I’m hella cool. But in to me.  Miss me when I’m gone.  Miss me when you don’t talk to me. Feel like there’s no one like me period. And if we don’t talk, no one can fill that void. Into me in to me.

5) I need to be comfortable letting down my guard. I don’t do it often with everybody. And I know folks think I do, but what I share is different from being vulnerable.  And it takes a few awkward encounters (because yes I can be hella awkward) for me to get to the point of being vulnerable but once I am, you have me forever.  <<<it sucks when you do it before the forever part comes LOL hard to reel back vulnerability. TRUST!

6) Laugh. I love love love love to laugh…it goes hand in hand with fun.  If you haven’t heard a full gut belly laugh from me.  We. Are. Not. Friends….and I don’t feel comfortable around you…and we won’t make it. Hahahahaha

Wait I said only 4 right?  Ha… so that’s 1) fun 2) comfortable giving you my me 3) sex 4) In to me 5) vulnerable 6) Laughter

Okay simple list right?   Well I went on a date recently and this is when I realized my list had flaws.  The shit is too vague. Simply put,  success lies in the details people. D-E-T-A-I-L-S!  Yo this date was so bad that it forced me to come up with an “I don’t know what I want but this is what I don’t want “ list.  Très importante (Yes I just Señor Bloomberg’d yall lol)

Listen, I’m ready…I’m out hailing cabs…and I’m looking for cabs that have their cab light on…ready, available, to swoop a passenger like me up.  But listen..I know my cab rider’s bill of rights. And you’re not just going to force any ol’ thing on me ok-kay kay?

 I’ll only list a few because shit…who likes a complainer and in the end I totally went on a date…even if he was a moaning, clingy, love professing mess…

The “umm yeah…no” list:

1)      One sided love affair: It’s important to say, that Yes, I want him to be in to me BUT….wait for it…….I would need to be…...in to him too.  Aha! Bingo! Missing factor, I need to be equally into him as he is into me.  So what I don’t want is someone who is so eager sooooo into me that it doesn’t give me the space to ascertain whether I’m into them as well.

2)      Liars: flattery goes a long way, but obsession makes you run.  I, like the next woman, love a good compliment. I am a Leo remember (hear me roar).  So yes, compliment me…within reason.   Don’t say I don’t need to work out or tell me I have a beautiful singing voice when we know that isn’t the truth.  That isn’t flattery…it’s well….lying. LOL

3)      A sappy love professing mess:  So yeah….I’m just not that chick. Period.

4)      Liars:  Yea I know it was 2 but damn it if it didn’t make 4 as well. Dude, I can’t be the one for you after one date and 4 phone conversations. In the words of my beloved, “I don’t believe you…you need more people”

5)      Drama: Okay this next one is a wee wee little picky…but if you moan when you kiss me…..night night homie.  We. Are. Done. Here.

6)      Suffocation: This might be some girl’s thing, but it certainly isn’t mine. I don’t need a step by step blow by blow of what you’re doing.  I don’t need to hold hands in the car, hold hands walking down the street, I don’t need a body guard, I don’t think you need to look for my cars as I cross the street, sip my drink for Ruffies, protect my wine from spillage hahaha okay I’m taking it there but you get the point. Yeah if someone runs up on us be on your A game, but I’m 35…I think…I know how to cross the street without holding hands.

7)      Synchronized walking: Speaking of holding hands…which I think I’m able to manage a bit…but that walking with the arm around each other…sir, no sir.  Try it and I will duff you right there…like about face…holla at me later home skillet!  Why, you ask? There is nothing. NOTHING. NO THING more awkward than walking with someone’s arm around you. The…shit…is…like...physics! He has to be a certain height…your pace has to be together…legs…coordinated…hips…syncopated…man…eff that…miss me aaaaalllll the way with that. K?

I’ll stop there…I have more…I just don’t want to scare any potential suitors in one blog, nah mean? Lol But the question is what do I want? Like reaaaaaally want. And the answer is:  I don’t know, but I know I’ll know, when I know it.  Ya dig?  Because there really is a fine line between finding THE one, and finding ANY one….I think….hell, I don’t know.  Taxi anyone?

Yes, it’s been a long time but yes I’m back, and if you love me like I think you do….You’ll just read and never…never ever…ever ever… bring this hiatus up again. K?