CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE…..

“A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.” Seneca

Listen I posted a list of the things I wanted for Christmas, and not only did just a handful of you read it, you didn’t even comply.  Like who does that???? Some of you need to ask yourselves, what…would…Jesus….do?  Its borderline disrespectful ON Jesus’s birthday to NOT give…unto others.  But I’m not even going to go there.  It happened; I will forgive because,  Hey….that’s what Jesus WOULD do.  However, I learned my lessons…fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice…well……hmmph.  So yes it’s March, but it’s the beginning of spring, and you know that means….it’s like my birthday is ALMOST here.  Ya, ya, ya, I know….not until August. But CLEARLY you people…yes YOU PEOPLE need more notice for proper gifts so *ahem* allow me to introduce you to my list of things I would like for like my birthday or Easter (why not start a new tradition of Easter giving? Eh? He died and rose, that prob deserves a bit of celebration right?)

Govern yourselves accordingly:

A surprise party: Yeah I said it, and yes I know if I ask for it, it’s not really a surprise anymore.  Try.  Ain’t nothing wrong with trying a little bit. K?  I have alwaaaaaays wanted a surprise birthday party.  Do you realize how much effort goes into surprising someone for their birthday?  A lot.  And if you plan it, it will show you care about me…….A LOT!  If you don’t, well the opposite applies.  Yes, guilt trips are not beneath me…period.  You should start working on it now….not to organize YOU in planning FOR me but…..well you get the point. Hahahaha

The Muppets box set- My friend just got it for her birthday. And well, I’m jealous.  Not much to say there.

A brand new set of pots and pans- Do I really want this for my birthday? Hell yes I do.  I will be 36 years old, and I’m still using my grandmother’s mix and match set from college.  And although I think I’d like to blame it on nostalgia, we all know that’s not true.  Its prob one part lazy, one part broke, one part lazy? (See what I did there?  Lol) the point is, the non-stick isn’t so “non” anymore, and well…a 36 year old should do better right?

While we’re at it what about some new towels/wash clothes and sheets.  Listen, I don’t want people to think I’m trife, I just want you to understand that most people get these “new” things when they get married and so well….if it makes you feel better I can fill out a registry? Ooooor you can just get me some nice thread count sheets? Amen?

Frou-Frou appliances like…a juicer (oh that’s not frou-frou)…casserole pot? No not that either?  Omelet pan? Crock pot? No and No? Ok, well clearly I’m in need. I mean, who likes to see the ones they love live off of the bare necessities when they’re living high off the hog? Hey, I’m not judging you, I’m just saying “each one teach one”….

I am T-pain auto tune microphone- I still really want this. And I don’t know which one of you doesn’t want me to operate at my optimal greatness, but what IS clear is, someone won’t let me be great.  THIS microphone would let me belt out songs in my full greatness. I would use it. I promise I would. I KNOW I would. Now, will you let me be great?

Birthday sex- okay this is slightly inappropriate I know…okay okaaaaay highly inappropriate but heck I need the 5 months to figure this out…sooo let’s just consider this an… umm….well….note to self lololol yeah that’s it, note to self!

Okay so look we have….what 5 months? I let you slide by my half birthday (Oh hell yes I celebrate that too!!!! Pow!) but we have more than ample time to make it this go down in August.  Yes?  No one likes someone with excuses, so don’t offer any okay? And If you’re not keen on this list, then check out the Christmas one:  Bonus-post-red-ryder-carbine-action…that’ still pending as well…because I just know you’re saving your penny’s to get me that awesome EWF box set or my chia pet.  It’s okay…I totes get it. 

In the words of my old neighborhood subway crack head “I don’t beg….I sings fo mines” ….and I can sing for you with my new microphone.  You know you want it…