Nik Be Nimble, Nik Be Quick...

“I carry the place around the world in my heart but sometimes I try to shake it off in my dreams”. F. Scott Fitzgerald

Ok, did y’all see that article where that man set the woman on fire in the elevator???

Or the woman who was merely stepping on the elevator and got crushed because it took off before she could….get fully in?? Seriously?? And yes I know this COULD happen anywhere, but it didn’t happen just anywhere, it happened in New York City…within days of each other.

Like is it not enough that I have become a pro-rat spotter, homeless and crazy specialist, a subway car inspector, a walking compass, and proficient in all things bed bug related?  Hell I’m damn near a superhero (whose super power might I add is a mega grocery bag carrier)…but now…noooooow I have to be an authority on elevators? Before and after I’m on?

No. No . No. No. New York. I say no. I must say no. Did I say no?

Listen, there’s no secret I have a love/hate relationship with this city…I don’t hide it.  This city has been good to me, but this city has also done me soooo wrong in so many ways. Hell it’s done a lot of us wrong, starting with the rent, but I won’t go there…I’m not going to go there. I DO NOT have time to get all “swoll” in my feelings about these overpriced apartments. That topic deserves a post all on it’s on. 

But I would be lying if I didn’t admit I have a certain “love” for this city despite all of my hatred.  Shoot, this city has given me skill sets that I shan’t learn anywhere else in this world.  And if I’m honest I’ll also say these “skills” can’t really be applied anywhere else in the world, strictly indicative of our beloved New York City’s specialness.

Seriously, the other day I was going out of town so I was bringing my luggage to work, and I realized I have some serious talent. I can lug my suitcase, lift and carry it down/up the stairs of the train station with out even stuttering a step.  Oh and the turnstile?? Swift as a fox! (yeah I know it’s sly as a fox, just ride with me on this one) Not one hesitation! That, my friends, is a bankable skill ESPECIALLY in rush hour on a New York City subway.  So then I started thinking about my other “skills” as a New Yorker (yes, transplant but I earned my wings years ago, don’t play me!)

And I came up with a little list….Ya, you know you love it!

• Finding the proper spot on the train that will let you off near the exit you need:

Now if you’re not from New York, never lived in New York, or hell never visited New York, you might not know, but this, beloveds, is an art. Especially if you’re travelling say to Penn Station and your NJ transit train leaves at 5:10 and it’s now 4:55 and you haven’t even bought a ticket yet…and the 2/3 is creeping ever so slowly in to the station?  This skill is the one you want, at THAT moment.  There’s nothing like shooting out the door and the stairs are right in front of you. 

• Spotting a rat or roach (or in the family of…) from behind:

Homie….Hooooomieeeee….I have a spidey sense unrivaled…unmatched by no other.  I can detect movement as light as a leaf.  You might wanna get at me.

• Super strength eye sight detecting something as small as a donut crumb in a subway seat:

Yeah so you’ve been on the train right? A train? Any train? Communal space = grossness<<remember that.  So please believe I scope the seats at all times, ALWAYS! My special skill however, is I can determine which if any have isht in them without even being in near proximity.  Yeah, I’m kind of dope like that.

• Cat like reflexes moving from train to train when noticing a crazy in the approaching car:

Tah….this isht right heeeree…this isht right heeeerrrrreee…will save your life one day.  I have the ability to see the train coming AND…wait for it…look into each and every car at warp speed with x-ray like vision, detect and analyze a crazy or situation, and run, duck, and maneuver to the next car or two or four….

Really…Really….Get. On. My. Level……

I mean listen, I’ve lived in many places-nine cities in six different states to be exact.  So I think I have the experience to make this next claim: People in New York City always say this is the best city in the United States, my rebuttal is always, you have to live in other cities (which most have not…hell most haven’t even left Brooklyn but I won’t go there) in order to make that statement.  And going to college and coming back doesn’t count (it just doesn’t…don’t argue this point…I won’t even listen).  You have to experience other environments, settings, cultures to compare and contrast.  Now with that said, I don’t know if I could say it’s the BEST city, but I will say there is NO OTHER city like it.  And living here you become a different person (be it good or bad) because of it.  It’s the most unique, diverse city I’ve ever lived in, and it has a certain Je ne sais quoi.

 It certainly keeps me coming back.......but let us also not forget it keeps me running too!