“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” George Carlin
Myths: an unproved or false collective belief that is used to justify a social institution
The other day in a very frank conversation with some of my girlfriends, we were discussing the differences between men and women and some of the “he said, she said” surrounding the two. And hey men news flash, the same way you say you don’t understand how a women thinks…dude we don’t UNDERSTAND how you all think AT ALL! It’s so sad that we all manage to have our wires crossed not some of the time, but a lot of the time. Actually, it’s so sad that it’s actually comical. Which is why I pride myself on being an open book, not one person I deal with can ever say they don’t know how I think, because please believe I’ve told you directly. Maybe not in the best manner, but told you nonetheless lol! Now, whether you choose to listen and take heed is a whole ‘nuther issue! But never mind the men are from Mars, women are from Venus issue; bigger than that, I realized there are many myths about each other that we hold true that just are not….well….right! So my dears, consider this post established to dispel some of the untruths. Yup let’s address some of the myths we hold about each other shall we?
Nika’s Mythbusting Mythbuster:
1) Women are domesticated and born that way:
Ummmm….like…no? Yeah, that’s the best way I can say that...simply no. Some women are Suzy Homemakers naturally and some of them drank the Kool-Aid and just worked on it. However, others (such as me) just are not. There’s really nothing we can do about it. For “me, myself, and I” (let’s bring that hood phrase back shall we?), either you have the skill or you don’t. I just don’t. I’ve tried really. It’s just not my forte like I’m not buying dust ruffles or frilly shit like that. I don’t care about the new Swiffer out as I’m barely doing well by sweeping and mopping regularly. If I was married, don’t even dare ask me to iron your clothes I couldn’t even get the wrinkle out my jeans this morning. And washing? Pah..you don’t want me to do that, trust! But, that doesn’t make me less of a woman (that’s what I keep telling myself), it just makes me highlight my other *ahem* skills. Ya, I mean listen just because I might overflow the washing machine with soap, or don’t dust doesn’t mean I don’t have skills!!! I have skills buddy! What skills you ask? Ummm, I can cook a mean pork chop, doesn’t that count for anything? No? hmmph *writes on wife resume in pencil* And if that doesn’t work I know how to call, hire, and pay for a housekeeper. It shouldn’t matter that I am NOT “domesticated” just know I know how to domesticate things ! Boo Yaa!!!
2) Women can’t hold their liquor and only like "girlie" drinks:
Man listen…have y’all seen me drink? I don’t want to toot my own horn, but umm yeah, I’m pretty decent. I mean hell I AM from Cleveland and not for nothing, but that isht is like a pastime there. Word! And please don’t ask when I started drinking, I don’t disclose numbers hehehe! Listen, we don’t have much in Cleveland, but bars are like historical landmarks, no lie! I mean, ladies, do you guzzle your drink, rip off your shirt and chest bump? Umm...no (though I’m sure it would make a few fellas quite happy lol) There IS an art to it! I, myself…personally (hehe) classify it as a social calling of sorts affectionately named “Lady who drinks” much like a ” Lady who lunches”…hell… “A lady who drinks at lunch”! Pow! Who’s in!?!?! IF done properly it's totally the all to do. Trust me on this lol
But back to my womanly drinking skills, I remember once I was out with this dude I liked…like liked like not fake liked (dear Lord please don’t let him read this blog) and homeboy ordered a wait for it...sex on the beach. Siggggh, if you know me you know this didn’t go over well nor would I let him live it down, I mean I am A child of Beverly and sometimes I can be just be…yeah. Any who, a long story short, he challenged me to a drinking contest when I wouldn’t let up on his p-drink (uh huh..the p stands for EXACTLY what you think it stands for hahaha) Him? Challenge me? Tah, pahlease! Lucky for him, in the end, we didn’t do the contest; my friend convinced me it wouldn’t be wise to drink the dude I liked under the table like the respectable lady I am. So his ego stayed intact, but I’ll be honest with you…he might have won. I mean shit a battle with sex on the beaches? How much juice can one drink? Pow Pow Pow *take that, take that*
3) Cursing is unladylike:
Bitch to whom????? Hahahaha just kidding…not really… I mean why is it that men get to enjoy the perks of a good curse word? I actually believe if Bitch, Hoe, Fuck and Motherfucker aren’t apart of your daily lexicon then you’re not human and I can’t trust you. Fuck it; I can’t even have a conversation with you, motherfuckers! (hehehe sorry I just had to add that at the end)
4) Women don’t like sports AND don’t like their man to watch sports:
Okay, here’s the deal with this, we don’t like hate sports per se personally for me, myself, and I (It’s going to come back trust me on this), I loooove football but I will admit I didn’t always have an affinity for it. Simply put, I didn’t understand it, and no one would bother teaching me the sport.
(cue violins and breathy flashback voice)
My father, like a typical man was often annoyed when you asked questions mid game and even one of my guy friends wouldn’t even let me ask questions until the commercials came on like who’s going to remember the plays until the commercial!!! Alas, one day (cue happy TV music) I decided I wanted to learn and my brother in law, nephew, and bestie’s hubby took up the challenge to teach it to me. (cue pearly gate sound of Glooooory) Yaaaas!! Now, what does that mean? They actually allowed me to ask questions DURING the game to learn as it happens. Whaaaaaa? Yes, fellas DURING the game! Annnnd low and behold, with a little understanding I now, know and love the sport. This year I even bought the NFL package, true story!
So basically what I’m trying to say to you, women DO like sports and would even watch it with you AND stop nagging you IF you take the time to teach her. Dude, it’s like investing in your future…make the investment today for the life you want tomorrow ;-)
5) Women do not like to have sex as much as men:
Ha! This couldn’t be further from the truth most women loooooooove to have sex…yes…regularly. Hell, most women I know are quite sexually frustrated. Listen, let me be the spokesperson and say “They want sex, they want more of it, they want it often, and they want it now!!” Hey man, Nik's for the people, champion of all causes ;-) Yo, here’s the reality women hit their sexual prime later than men and this is especially true for women in their 30’s. Yes I know there’s no “factual” evidence to back this up, so don’t bother looking it up, I’m telling you what I know, what I know that I know. And I know this because well I’m *ahem* 36 and well….hell…I just know. Consider yourself informed…
Hey I’m no expert here. For years I believed I was an outlier…you know the one variable askew but the older I get and the more friends I acquire, the more people I find of like mind. You know the saying, friends of feather flock together. And because I’m not a selfish person and believe sharing is caring, I thought I’d drop a little bug in your ear. SEE WHAT I DID FOR YOU?! I’VE GOT YOU BOOOOOOOOOOO!
Buuuuut juuuuuust in case your chick shades you at night, pulls the plug on your football games EVERY Sunday, is appalled at the mere mention of profanity, and gets woozy off of a strong daiquiri please read the statement below:
The views expressed herein are my own and may not reflect that of other women. They have not been reviewed, approved, or endorsed by YO CHICK. Proceed with caution, utilize at your own risk, hell…official rules apply?
I bid you adieu…good luck…and godspeed!
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