MYTHBUSTER, MEN’S EDITION

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” George Carlin

A few weeks ago I did a mythbuster post about the women, so it’s only right that I do one on the men.  Yes, Yes, Yes I know, you’re thinking “what do I know about busting myths about men?” and to be quite honest, probably nothing.  Hell, the more I think I know about men, the more I realize that I know… not a damn thing.  Siiiigggghhh but I’ll give it a shot….eff it…YOLO!  

Please realize that as I type this, this is totes from a women’s perspective, but my fellow men, please feel free to chime in?  Since I know you all read this blog *looks directly at you*

Nik’s Mythbusting Mythbuster….about men:

1)      Men can handle any and everything.

I don’t know what or who gave us our view on men, but somehow we’ve made the men in our lives a superhuman species.  As women, we’re allowed to have fear, be scared, cry, have stress and any and every other emotion we can conjure up yet for some reason let our man have a moment and we’ve categorized him as weak.  It’s odd. Fear is fear, stress is stress and I’m perplexed as to why we assume our men shouldn’t react as so. 

Ladies, ladies, ladies  too many times I see women dump the burden of the household on their husband, boyfriend, live in, man…whomever, and this is unfair.  Stress has many side effects to it, like heart disease, high blood pressure etc.  If you want to be with your partner from here until eternity, I suggest you learn to bear some of that burden and PARTNER with your man.  He’s is not invincible and certainly not above the perils of stress.

2)      Men don’t feel pain.

Okay, have we talked about how I lived with my father in high school?  This would be my test market and because of this I have deemed myself an expert of sorts on this topic (If you knew my father, you’d know why) there’s no one intolerant to pain like that man!  Shit, he’s “sick” as I type this, and if he calls me one more time coughing in the phone… *punches air* 

Anywho, the quickest way to prove this theory wrong is to watch a guy get…let’s say…a chest cold. -_-  hahaha I believe I can end this one here.  Listen, if a guy gets the sniffles, be prepared to stop everything you’re doing to cater to that man.  When God made men, he made them brute, brawn, but softer than Charmin. This. Is. A. Fact.  #missingverseingenesis

3)      Gossiping is just for women.

There’s some man out there that’s reading this like “Who??? I don’t gossip?!’ Pah-lease! Not only do men gossip and talk, but they are always in the know.  Where do you think we get our info from???? LOLOL.  Yo, one time I broke my leg in graduate school, and my friend that was staying with me and helping me out (he’s going to kill me) used to read my gossip magazines on the low, but didn’t want anyone to know, however since I totaled my car and was on crutches, our magazine collection came to an instantaneous halt.  So one day he was like “Aye, when your friends come over to bring you dinner, why don’t you tell them to pick up some of those magazines you like to read” and had the nerve to whisper it to me.  Sir?????   

4)      Men hate conversation ESPECIALLY over the phone

Men don’t just gossip, they like to talk too…a lot.  My longest phone convos  that I have are with men…about nothing.  Okay no I take that back, it’s been about something….THEM.  Men are SUPES talkative!!!! It always kills me when they complain that women talk, ha! Men will go on, and on, and on, and on about their favorite topic, themselves! That’s the tee hee hee of it all!  Listen, of my 3 best male friends, I know eveeeeerything about them.  They will attempt to tell you about me, they will be wrong. Trust me on this, I test them every so often, they never fail to disappoint. 

5)      Men are concerned about matching bras and panties.

Warning this may be TMI, but show me a guy who cares about such a thing and I have a bridge to sell you.  Don’t get me wrong, you can’t just wear your PP’s (period panties) on such occasions lol I mean let’s NOT be trifflin’ now however, my teal bra and fuchsia undies have never gone noticed.  Hell, he may just think I probably go commando or something.  If you think I’m lying next time you’re with your loved one, test it.  I triple dog dare you to wear a polka dot bra and leopard undies and you report back and tell me if HE noticed.  I won’t hold my breath…carry on….

6)      Men care about hairstyles and weave quality.

So, it’s not so much that they don’t caaaaaaare about the way their girl looks per se. I suppose they do. However the little nuances like poor weave/wig quality, a shit load of makeup, or freeze dried hair doesn’t necessarily scare them off as we think it would.  One time a friend asked  me about a girl and my immediate response was “I mean her weave looks ridiculous, like did she need all 42inchs?? And she has mad foundation on, do you even know what she looks like under that?? Her lashes?? A witch perhaps?? ” His response….. “Soooo?”   LOLOL  I knew right then that our views of attractiveness were different and what I was looking at, he didn’t necessarily see.  Now don’t ask me what he was looking at or for, I have no answers. But I’ll assume her flat stomach and fat ass overrode the potential welfare of the genes of their future children. But I digress, what I’m trying to say is, a chick wearing a cat on her head has never stopped them from….well…ummm…you fill in the blank  -_-   

7)      Men don’t have feelings and aren’t emotional.

Okay, So I’m going to be honest. I just kind of heard this is true, aside from my daddy I’ve never really seen this proven and I’ve only seen him emotional once or twice in my 36 years.  So, I thiiiiiiiink men may get emotional, the only problem is that it doesn’t stay long enough for me to make it a tried and true fact.  That shit is fleeting and when I say fleeting, I mean abracadabra!  From my research, men are only emotional if their pride is hurt.  Is pride synonymous to feelings? I think it’s as close as we can get eh? Yeah, I said it. POW!

8)      Men don’t like intimacy.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  No one, Nobody, NO-BODY likes to cuddle more than men.  No one likes to hold hands in public more than men.  No one likes caresses more than men. Why this has become a myth is beyond me!   They hide it from each other like its taboo.  As if finding out they like to spoon all night long is indication that they are crying in their cornflakes every day.  Don’t be ashamed that you like to snuff the space out of your lady!  Fellas, claim that shit!

9)     All men are dogs

My bad, this is actually not a myth…

10)   Men know exactly who they are and what they want

The reality is everyone struggles with this.  No one gender is any wiser about who they are and what they want.  We are confused. They are confused.  We chase our “ideal” guy, they chase their “ideal” girl. When you’re delusional, you’re delusional and having a penis doesn’t give you anymore clarity than the next.  The only problem is we as women have decided that they know who they want and what they want, and are waiting for them to want us. Uhhhh no!  The power lies in you too….boo (sorry y’all know I can’t fight a good rhyme).

11)   Men can’t cook or clean.

Okay,  last post we spoke of my skills *ahem* or lack thereof they were on a bit of the struggle side for a woman, but on the flip side some men can really throw down! Listen, I have a friend from Mississippi who can not only cook the meanest pork chop and gravy dish I’ve ever had, but mopped my floor so well I could eat off that joint.  I will never doubt the skills of a man again; as a matter of fact one of the things on my “list” is a domesticated man, because lord knows I most certainly am….not.

I have sooooo many more, soooo many more, but to be fair I didn’t want men to believe I’m picking on them.  I mean there is “Men can’t be into fashion”, “PMS is only for women”…  I mean I could go on for daaaaays but we’re not here for my vent session or are we? LOL Listen, these myths are expertly proven.  They ARRREEE trust me! I have seen, experienced, reacted, and now I’m trying to tell you!   It’s a dangerous job, but someone has to do it no?

Sincerely,

Nika, the people’s advocate

Now who’s gonna check me boo?????