POWERBALLIN'

I'm so bossy, b*tch get off me

Trick get off me, you can't get sh*t off me

I'm so flossy, no 6's on Sprees

Laid back, Maybachs, don't even talk to me ~Jay-Z “Ignorant Sh*t”

Dear friends,

Please allow me this moment in time to apologize.  Yes, Yes, Yes to apologize.  To whom? Well…to you.  Yes, to you my friends.  For what you may ask? For what is to come when I win the Powerball tonight.  Ooooh, yes and then there’s that!  Because my loves, please believe I will be winning at least in my mind, at this very moment, at this very time, right here right now…I WILL BE WINNING! Okay, okay, okay….well maybe it’s not so certain, but please give me a moment to just dream about winning, is that alright with you?

Now back to my apology, I apologize for the pure D’ ignorance that will ensue right after my number is called and I have to tell you, because I feel it lurking on the surface, it won’t be pretty.   It’s not that it’s my intention on embarrassing you as my friend, or shaming you, or to be braggadocios (just kidding, this one I probably really mean…I mean coooome on, it would be too easy!), it’s just that IF I win the Powerball, I’m certain another being will take hold of me and I’m not sure I could control it.  I’m not sure I would want to control it.  Hell, I might like it, now wouldn't THAT be something!  I don’t know how I’ll act because, I've never been an ummm...millionaire? A thousandaire? LOLOL Shi…beyotch I’m a freelancer…you don’t have to see my bank account to do my math! Lol So, I don’t know much, but what I DO know is IF I won, I would do the following things:

1) Quit my job.  Yes, I know the payout isn't immediate. No I don’t care.  Hell, I wouldn't even call and       quit, I would be a straight up no show.  I might even send a text saying “Has anyone seen Nika?” followed by a picture of me drinking a bottle of champagne straight out the bottle.  Ignorant? Uh huh.  Rude? Sure. Satisfying? Fuck yeah!

2)  Since NYC requires you to have a conference.  I will straight DIVA out on them.   I’ll send notice by   Jeffro (yes I will hire me a runner strictly off of an IOU) and in this notice it will have my Rider. In my Rider it will state, in order to see me I must be addressed by my ENTIRE name, if you don’t know it…figure it out…if you can’t figure it out, you can’t address me.  (hehehe)  No one can look me directly in the eye.  It must be catered by Red Lobster (ultimate feast only with extra butter and extra Cheddar Bay biscuits) Man listen….when I’m done this “conference mandate” will be amended. Please believe!  Hahahaha

No seriously, wtf? How are you going to MAKE me have a conference about MY money?! Where they do that at? If that’s the case, let’s have a conference now?  

“Attention great people of NYC: I, Nika, am broke as fuuuuuuuuuck.  Send me some money?”

3)  Okay back to my Lottopallozza, before I get to the conference I will take the money out of my account that I currently have.....umm hmmm…in ones…and make it rain whilst playing "Bands a Make Her Dance" from my iPhone .  And you know what?  Eff it,while I’m at it…I might…Yo…juuussst I might…do this all while wearing a full length fur, wife beater, stilettos, with doorknockers. I mean if I’m going to be a stereotype, I may as well deliver, you feel me?!?! *hi fives* 

4)  Now, the first thing I will do AFTER said conference, is call all my creditors and tell them to kiss my a** annnnnd   &%$*# a payment plan. I will do this 3 times a day even on Sundays. It’s called karma, and I believe I’m owed my 40 acres and a muthaeffin mule! Word!

5)  I will then secure a portion of my money for post-trick off, living fund.  Oh yes….post trick off living fund.   LOLOL (ohhhh this is fun) 

6)  A few ways I will trick off the remainder of my money:

• Travel to every 3rd world country………………………in search for a child to adopt.  Hahahahahaha Y'all thought I was going to be on some humanitarian isht huh? Nope.  When I make it big I’m going to be big like Hollywood big, and everyone knows the path to Hollywood is a little 3rd world baby?!  I will need me one. It will take money to find one. Don’t blame me, blame the system. I’m a victim. 
• Why would I need to adopt a child? Well, I’m a writer.  I work in television. I could do movies….with my money I could produce my own movies.  I could be better than Tyler Perry.  But I need in the inner circle and since I can’t go Scientology rigggght? Hey man, save a kid, make it big. What?

You know what….let me stop here. I feel the more I write the further away from winning I get LOL.  I don’t want God to think I can’t win because I don’t know how to act. LOL

I mean, I knoooow how to act…kind of….I mean I totaaally act properly while I’m broke…buuutt...siggggh I’m just saying…..

Okaaaay…..Sorry???

I mean what would you do if you won?