EQUILEBRIATE: SHADY WORD OF THE DAY

Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” 

― Charles Bukowski

Equilebriate:  [ee-kwuh-lee-brēˌāt]  verb

1)      The act of becoming inebriated to balance out life

Yes, I made this up.  But it is a real term in my life, in my mind, and in my heart and I’ve chosen to share with you. Awww, look at me.  *friendsies*  So, if you chose to judge me, be my guest…I don’t caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare *starts countdown to happy hour* I don’t need you I have other friends and by friends I mean bottles and by bottles I mean wine and by wine I mean…well lots of it! *flips hair* 

Now this isn’t for everybody, even I will admit that.  But while you have your “AA sponsor, I don’t need to drink, how she dare tell me it’s okay to use drinks to equalize life” nose in the air, let me dare to explain.  Sometimes life gives you one big fat ass lemon, and the only choice you have is to bypass that mofo and head straight to the first bar (ain’t nobody got time to make their own drinks!!!) and drink until that isht normalizes.  Yes, there's therapy (some of us need that as well).  Yes, you can read.  Yes, you can meditate.  Yes, you can make plans and plot out tomorrow. Yes, Yes, Yes to all of that.  But hear me out, sometimes your day is so ridiculous, so ludicrous, so absurd  that you already know tomorrow will be better.  You just need to numb today to, you know, speed it along. There's no such thing as do overs but there is a such thing as "forget it ever happened". THAT, my friends is called equilebriating. 

Equilebriating is for days when it’s all just too much that you’re stopped in your tracks. It’s for the moments when you can be heard saying “come the eff on!!!” Days when you’ve been been had! You’ve been took! You’ve been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok!  (Sorry, couldn’t help it)

Those moments like:

When the train was pulling into the station but somehow malfunctioned with the platform in eyesight but you’re stuck for 20 minutes?

When you accidentally kick the plug on your computer right when you were going to hit save?

That moment when you were on your way out to a party and swung by the ATM to get cash but realized your account was overdrawn so you had to head back home?

That moment when you missed an email about a new job because your email account has 60,000 emails of junk?

That moment when you spend all day talking to a super cute guy , having a super awesome time only to realize he’s married?

That time you thought the handsome guy across the room was looking at you but instead was looking at your friend?

When even your “fat” jeans, don’t fit anymore?

When you go to tie your shoe and the seam of said jeans rip?

When you have only one piece of gum left and drop it as you’re putting it in your mouth?

When the only seat left on the bus to DC is next to somebody who looks like they haven’t bathed in a month a Sundays, and 4 hours is too long of a ride to stand up?

You wear a sanitary napkin all week because you think you may start your cycle, only to NOT wear it the day you actually do start?

You search all morning to find a decent outfit to wear only to realize you wore the same outfit last week and forgot, but someone at your job did not?

You see a seat on a train and with stealth like skills you balance your purse, your groceries and your iPhone in your hand only to make it near the seat and a man scrambles past you and takes it?

The moment you run across two intersections, dodge a bus, a pedicab, and a mad Chinese takeout bike rider to hail a cab for him to tell you he’s not going uptown?

That moment you see an ex’s chick, you know the one he chose over you, and she’s…..not….cute?

That moment you find out your crush has a crush and that crush isn't you?

The time those oh so nifty wings on your pads decided to join forces against you to form the pad Voltron with your underwear and while arm wrestling with them AND your panties you rip all parties involved….yes the panties too? I mean the PANTIES TOO?????

Listen it is in these moments, there is only one thing to do. 

ONE EFFIN THING LEFT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EQUILEBRIATE!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?? EQUI-FUCKING-LEBRIATE ….

AND TRY AGAIN TOMORROW….

Now someone inbox me a good happy hour special….

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” 

― Benjamin Franklin