"Whoever came up with
the term, 'Have a happy period,' needs to be taken outside,
force fed Midol, and shot with tampons.” ~Anon
Dear…..
Male Gynecologist,
When I came to you in tears regarding my excruciating cramps
and you looked at me and said “unfortunately, that’s one of the symptoms that come
with your periods”, did you think my 30 plus year old ass didn't know the
symptoms of a cycle I've had every month for the last 20 plus years? -_-
CVS worker,
When I buy my supplies and I ask you to double bag my pads
and tampons, please do not look at me as if you are unaware I’m buying SANITARY
PRODUCTS! No, I am not ashamed that I’m on my period, I do not want the entire
office to KNOW I’m on my period.
Always,
I have never had 1) A happy period 2) worn white on my
period…..PERIOD!
Tylenol,
Why don’t you come out and tell us? We actually already know,
you’re placebo pills right?
Co-worker,
When you see me walking with a pencil case like pouch into
the restroom, don’t ask me what’s in it unless you’re prepared for the
answer. I mean it could be makeup, it
could be pencils -_- or it could be….. you've been warned.
Innocent Bystander,
Sometimes tampons come out the package, and sometimes they
really do feel like pens. Don’t be
startled if I go for a pen and pull out a tampon. Thanks.
Pharmaceutical companies,
For fucks sake…is there nothing stronger on the market? I mean COME ON!
Cube mate,
I know I was just laughing about that YouTube video, now I’m
crying. No I don’t know why. I just am.
CSI,
Did you really have to kill that kid? (Okay this one may seem random but
actuaaaallly…did they? Listen, the
emotional effect of your cycle is real.
I really did cry while watching CSI wondering why a show about solving
murder mysteries had to kill someone. It isn't reasonable or sensible, it just is LOL)
Excuse me while I have
a moment shall you? Listen, it’s my blog
and I can cry if I want to!!!
I’m soooooo over this womanly shit, I cannot even tell you
emphatically enough. I’m 36 and I first
got my cycle at the young age of 12. So, that would be 24 years/288 months /(okay 287 since I missed that one month in Japan)/2,296 days of
torture. 2,296 DAYS OF TORTURE!!!!
I haven’t had a baby yet so you'd think my body would get the
memo to chill the FUCK out! Yes, I said it and I meant it. Is it not backwards that my cycle would
increase and get heavier since I haven’t had a baby? Did it miss the memo? Hellooooooo? Hold on to those eggs and relax
yourself! No seriously? CHILL OUT!
I know this may be uncomfortable to some to read because for
some reason in 2013, the conversation of menstrual cycles STILL make people uncomfortable. Ha, imagine that! I mean, it is 2013, and we
still have to tip toe around talking about periods. It’s amazing to me. Well, my good friends, not today and not on
this blog . "No no no not today" *Dikembe Mutombo voice*. Because 1) we women need an
outlet to vent 2) you men, need to understand 3) I’m on the ledge and damn it someone
will listen!
Good people, I’ll never forget when I got my cycle in the 7th
grade. Everyone used to talk about it in
the locker room and there was even a girl in my junior high that was
pregnant (I hadn't even had my first kiss! But that's a whole other story! lol). So I was eagerly looking for
it, the period people…NOT the pregnancy! This probably was the last time I would ever be excited to see it
come. No, seriously, the next month I stayed on my
cycle for 15 days. I knew then this was nothing nice…nothing nice at all! Anywho,
I remember being slightly cheerful that it came like I received an honor or a gift so to speak. Hmmph, oh it was a
gift alright much like that horse that the Greeks gifted the Trojans eh? One big flimflam gift of immense proportions.
Why are we women not honest with each other about this? All we do is perpetuate the fairy tale.
·
It stops in water
·
It usually goes on for 4 days
·
Sometimes you don’t cramp
·
It’s a gift that allows to be able to give wondrous life
·
It’s an introduction to your women hood
I CALL BULLSHIT!
As the years have gone on, I have looked at each one of my
relatives with the wicked side eye because no one pulled me aside and said to
me “listen, you don’t want this,” “this isn't fun,” “being a woman is tough” …I mean come on,
give me the real deal people! Listen, I’m
going to say what no one will, if nothing else alone makes women tougher than men;
it is our monthly menstrual cycle. THE
END!
You wussies would be crying in your protein shakes if you
had to endure the pain, the emotional turmoil, and the overall inconvenience we
women undergo EVERY month, not every other month, not occasionally, not once a
year but EVERY MONTH. That is every 4
weeks for 7 days.
Have you ever been in so much pain you've called out not
for your mother, not for your lover but for JESUS!?!?!? Have to spend hours sitting on the toilet because
it makes your cramps “feel better”? Been
nervous to sit in a chair because even after all of this experience, as a grown
woman you know accidents can and will happen?
Sleep on a towel at night? Stopped dead in your tracks on the street
because of excruciating pain shooting up through your lower stomach and out
your back? Slept with a heating pad on
so hot you’re certain you've cooked your bladder? Have a cycle so heavy it resembles a crime
scene? Gotten a tooth pulled and not taken all of the pain medicine just so you can
have something stronger left over for that time of the month? (Okay, maybe that’s
just me)
Woooosaaaaaah…
Are you there God? It’s me Nika,
This may be risky to inquire but I’m totally shocked you
haven’t phased out periods kind of like dinosaurs.They're totally antiquated and I’m sure with you being the King of all Kings, the Alpha AND the Omega, there should be an easier way to conceive? I mean come on…remember Mary? Hahah Noooo of course you remember Mary just a little jokey joke.....
Okay but seriously, listen I didn't even know Eve and
her evil ways but I’m certain I've repented 10 times over for this. And so well…. I just wanted to put the thought
out there you know…it’s okay…if you…take it away… like all of it away? Give it
some thought, K?
Sincerely …in your name…forever and ever more…..
*pops Midol and fades to black* There's gotta be a better way.......
LMAO Truth.
ReplyDelete