“Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception.” Carl Sagan
Please lend me your ear. I know I complain speak a lot about New York City and express a lot of concerns about my residence here, please don't think this is another one of "those" times. And actually, I just want you to know that it’s not because I hate it *ahem* per se because I do love it tremendously but mostly in a “it hurts so good” kind of way (Dooooon’t act like you don’t know what I mean. Y’all know you’ve had some hurt so good moments!). And mostly, I speak about this city the way I do because it’s quite complex. My love for it, my hate for it, my obsession, or even my repulsion is layered with 10 or so years of circumstances. And I also realize that sometimes you read my stories and think they are fabricated, they are not. These stories are real. EVERY DAY. ALL THEE TIME. I’m amazed at how many crazy, impossible, outlandish people, things, events, I encounter on a daily basis. And trust me I’m a pro at handling them all….well most. You’ve seen my record (you better ask somebody! Lol)
But this is why I come to you, in an open arm plea. Something tragic of immense proportions have happened. I have lost one of my prized possessions. My mojo. Yes, as of late, my mojo has been off. Uh huh, that is correct I have in fact, lost my mojo. Unbelievable right? I was caught off guard. I felt violated, exposed even. I mean listen I never even knew it was gone until the other day I was walking in Harlem and texting (at the same damn time…sorry I just had to..anywho) and I stepped on a chicken wing. A CHICKEN WING!!!! GASP! YES A BON AFIDE CHICKEN BONE!! Now to the average Joe this is no cause for alarm. But, for me…a seasoned duck and dodger, this is a major catastrophe! I can text, talk, walk and dodge rats, dog crap, crazies, buses, and ESPECIALLY chicken bones. Clearly my New York chi is off balanced…ummm, out of whack if you will. I’m concerned. You cannot allow your guard to be down for not one minute in this city. THIS. IS. HOW. YOU. GET. GOT! Yes, people, get got!
Listen, when you move to this city you’re gifted with many things. But the most important gift you’ll ever receive is your ability to foresee all trouble, without it you’re nothing but a victim. The elements will snuff you out so quick, you won't even see it coming. Shoot, in your first apartment they hand over the keys, a set of glue traps, and the grand gift of clairvoyance. Believe in it, trust it, and most of all respect it because damn it…YOU NEED IT.
So with that said, my light is dimming. And I don’t know why. I suspect it’s because I’m ready to move on from said city. Which is moooost likely true but damn it I can’t lie down like a maimed animal and die. I must fight to the very end. I mean today, I sat next to a man who literally was typing a deck about anarchy. I never once flinched. I mean it is 9/11!!! Is it that I’m becoming too desensitized that I’m losing my 6th sense? My ability to spot crazy a mile away was my superpower-my gift. You don’t get many gifts as powerful as that. Without it, I’m…..nothing. Well, I mean I am something…according to my mama I AM SOMEBODY…but you get the point. I need that part of me or I’m NYC mincemeat.
I think what I’m saying to you, family, is that there’s a part of me missing. It’s like an armadillo without its shell. I mean right now I’m the lone gazelle lost from the pack just waiting to get taken out by the vicious lion. I mean what did that gazelle ever do to anyone but graze grass?
It’s crazy really. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster ride, One day I’m snapping off this poor Indian man’s head for stopping on a crowded sidewalk, denying the wheel chaired homeless woman coffee (I did eventually get her coffee just in case you’re attempting to judge me…I rebuke you!), and strong-arming my cab driver for a cheaper fare and the next minute I’m strolling down the street stepping on chicken carcasses. And yes, I know the aforementioned behavior isn’t optimal, nor is it indicative of my “original” personality but please believe me, it is certainly necessary. They say only the strong survives, and my dear people, your girl is about to get slayed. So, if you’ve seen my mojo, will you please return to sender? Thanks a bunch dolls! *smooches*
Sincerely,
Lost in Translation
**(don’t ask me what this means I’ve always wanted to sign out with it…and since it’s my blog I can do whatever I please. BOOM SNITCHES!)**
“Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.” Dorothy Parker
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